uh oh....

[Heavenly Star]

...It's happening again. Had an eventful day yesterday. Was arrested by the police for breach of the peace and was taken to police station on section 136 as i had self harmed badly. Was then released back home where i smashed my flat up, cut myself, took an overdose and then played my music really loud which got me into trouble again. The neighbours called the police (who have smashed my door in good and proper :oops and the whole thing started over again.

Now, I'm feeling like i'm going to do the same thing again. in fact i know i will. I don't know how to stop it. The voices tell me to do it. stupid thing is at the time i enjoy it. i'm full of energy and excitable then when i'm finished/arrested i go on a massive downer. I can't control it. But people won't help me. They just get angry with me for what i have done. it's not my fault. I can't help it.

I'm in self destruct mode.

 

[jameslyons]

Hey

Instead of permanently hurting yourself can you try doing it temporarily. Why not take a cold shower or grab on to some ice cubes. Maybe you can go running outside.

 

[Acy]

Ooh, dear! :ohmy:

I don't really know what to suggest other than contact your mental health worker or go to A&E and explain how things have been for the last day or two. Maybe there are meds that can calm you down until the tidal wave passes...? But it's not a good idea to stay rolling up and down like that and getting taken in by the police. (Can't really be a lot of fun, either, as you come down from it.)

:hug:

 

[Stranger1]

Have they diagnosed you when you were in the hospital?? Do you or are you suppose to take meds?? You definitely need outside help...Why don't you go to the hospital and have yourself voluntarily admitted when you are in these states..They can keep you safe from yourself..And once they see you in one of these states they can better diagnose you..My shrinks have been treating me all this time for each different problem I have and some of them work.. But my new shrink keeps putting me on meds for skyzophrenia and I'll be damned if this new med isn't starting to help..My point is it takes time but you also have to put forth the effort to help yourself..I too am suicidal but I put that aside on a dailey basis and try to be as normal as I can..

 

[Heavenly Star]

ok, so. music is on, wrists have been cut, pills have been taken and have just smashed all glasses, plates, bottles etc.. I know it's not the right thing to do but i feel so much better now. Just waiting for the downer (and the police) now. I don't know what to do anymore. I've seen so many doctors, nurses etc etc... but they don't come up with anything except lies and empty promises. Each time i see them i always feel even worse. Why won't anybody help me? I don't understand. What's wrong with me?

Whatever, it doesn't matter now. I'm past caring. If no one else cares why should i?

TURN MY MUSIC UP!! YEAH!

 

[WARUMONO]

Stop looking at doctors and nurses and instead find regular people that'll help.
I know most would probably freak out and run away at shit like that but there will be someone you connect with...you just have to find them.
And hopefully they'll help you.