Not really sure what I'm supposed to do here... I've been struggling with suicidal urges for over twenty years, since I was a child, first attempt at age eleven, been hospitalized four times. I've tried therapy, medication, support lines, etc. but the feelings are always there. I feel like I'm reaching a breaking point, it's getting harder and harder to drag myself through life, day after day, and I'm just too tired to handle it anymore. It's not just pain or loneliness (as strong as they are), but also just a sense of being lost, of not belonging, like I was never meant to live. I just don't have a place in the world, no joy, no love, nothing to look forward to. Even if I work to make my life "better", nothing feels worth the effort, and I just end up falling apart anyway. There's pretty much nothing keeping me alive except fear of another failed attempt. So I don't know if this will make any difference, but here I am. Hi.