um, hello

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by iamjulia, May 28, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. iamjulia

    iamjulia Member

    Hi, I don't know how to do this really. I've had problems with depression for most of my life, I think. I've had maybe too many experiences with loved ones dying since I was very young, and it kind of made me a pariah, socially. My mother died last month from cancer, leaving me the last member of my immediate family. Her illness was very painful and degrading, and I abandoned her. I couldn't get close to someone and watch them die, I guess. I'm having a hard time living with this. She was a good person with deep emotions and she meant a lot to a lot of people. And then there's me, not good at anything, can't manage to go to school or hold a job or anything, and people don't want to know me if I'm not being fake. I guess I'm supposed to be pretty, happy and selfless at all times or else I'm unwanted. My surviving aunts and uncles hate me, and think I'm an addict or trying to get money or something, but I'm not, I don't even drink, but they don't believe me.
    I keep thinking that my friends and family would still be alive if I hadn't existed, and all the tragedies would stop if I wasn't alive. I'm not a real person, that gets to do things or be listened to, and there's nothing I want to do in life anymore. I'm just some stupid joke that no one thinks is funny anymore.
    I don't have any support network to speak of, only my cat, if she counts. I've been thinking of going to the hospital but I'm afraid they'll yell at me. Also I feel guilty just thinking about it because I'd be taking up space and time and resources that could help someone who matters or deserves to feel better or has real problems.
    um, so that's me and why I'm here.
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Welcome Julia.. We will take you just the way you are!!! No jumping thru hoops or radical revisions.. Just be you and let it out here!!!

    I had two parents which I really did not like, both get terminally ill at same time and I just let them die without me.. Say this cause that was then and not going to be able for both of us to ever change that!!!!

    We have the present and now with a little planning we can for the future.. That is our's..if you are getting really serious with thoughts of suicide, then do go to a hospital's ER.. You deserve help just like everyone else!!! If not urgent, then I recommend trying a mental health center and some talking with a professional..

    In the meantime, look around this place..lots of forums and post rooms usually occupied also.. Now that you have started talking here, hope you continue.. Take care Julia
  3. Mr Stewart

    Mr Stewart Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF, Julia. :welcome:

    Cat absolutely counts as supportive companion. Even moreso than humans sometimes if you ask me.

    Hospital will never be mad at you for seeking help. I know. I was worried about that myself when I first went to doctor for help with depression/anxiety. Please know that you matter and you are just as deserving of help as anyone else.

    Take care and be safe, okay?
  4. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Welcome Julia. Cats definitely count. I only have wild birds but SF is very non judgemental so I was still allowed to join. If a hospital rather than a doctor is your easiest first point of contact then try them. We all need help and support in addition to our cats. ( for those lucky b****** that have them )
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.