I had to read some of what others had posted to see what to put down.. so I'm going to try my best. I'm a university student, 22yo. Funny enough, I'm a Psych student. I have a loving family, Boyfriend and a dog that I love to pieces. My job is hell, but it pays so it works. Money is tight sometimes, but it's because I go to school and work at the same time. I like to read, draw, view art, and write. I had always thought that I would be assisting with a site like this, trying to help others. Instead I come looking for help. I don't think it's as bad for me as it is for some of the others here. I've been feeling... desolate, I guess, for the better part of 11 years. It's never constant, but probably a time or two a month, where I wish to the divinity I was anywhere but here. When it strikes, I feel useless and burdensome, that I'm irratating to the people around me and causing nothing but friction and tension, and angry negative feelings (which I firmly believe are unhealthy). Sometimes I break down and cry for reasons I can't even think of, and it's always when no one else is home. When I was a teen, I used to spend long nights wondering what it would be like to go to sleep and simply never wake up. Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep. That rarely happens now, but the thought of jumping off a boat, or simply staying out till it's too cold to move in the winter still flits through my mind. There have only been two very scary times, once after a large argument with my father, I felt like I had no right to be, and today, I had a minor arguement with my mother, and had dangerous considerations on the drive home. It was this most recent occurance today that drove me to look for a site like this. Part of me sits back and analyses this, rationalizes that there is no reason for me to feel this way. My family is like any other, we have our tiffs. My boyfriend loves me, and I have close friends. I have interests that I enjoy so much, I reach a type of nirvana where I entirely lose myself. Sometimes I consider looking for professional help, then under cut the idea. Part of me feels silly for even posting here, that I should be helping others, cause that's what I wanted to do with my degree. Even now I feel like deleting this whole thing and closing the laptop, after all, I don't get this feeling all the time. Just every now and again, most of the time, I'm pretty ok. But I know that every now and again, I need somewhere to go, and the journal just isn't doing it anymore. Anyway, I wish I had been more... cheerful, I hate starting off on a bad foot. But in either case, Hello to all, and that;s the reason I'm here in a nutshell. Figured I get it all in one shot. All the not so grim stuff can always be asked about.