Hi... I just want to vent a little bit, if I can.
In all honesty, I'm almost sure that I'll be dead soon. Summer is coming up in a few months, and summer's are the worst time for me. Mostly because I'm away from my friends more than I am during school... and I'm almost sure that I'm not going to survive the summer.
I seriously am nothing without my friends...
It's already tough as it is now.
I know this sounds kind of stupid... but I really don't know if I have a reason for being depressed. I think it's more biological than anything.
I have some issues with being alone. Sometimes I need to be alone, but today for instance, I had to walk across the school yard... and I started shaking, and asked my friend to come with me. He said no, that I was just walking across the yard, and I asked him again. He kind of picked up on my panic, and came across the yard with me. Then when I got to the stair case, I had to walk up about five stairs, get something, and walk back down, and I could barely handle doing that without him there.
It's like... there are moments when I seriously can't be alone. At school, my friends stay with me during those moments, but at home, I have to force myself to the phone to call one of them. I have to force myself because if I didn't call, I'd probably either try to kill myself or cut my arm to shreads, and there's barely any room left on my arms to cut.
I feel terrible for putting my friends through this shit, too. It's not fair to them.
Anyway, if I make it to the end of the school year, I HIGHLY doubt I'll make it through the summer without multiple hospitalizations... if my attempts fail.
In all honesty, I'm almost sure that I'll be dead soon. Summer is coming up in a few months, and summer's are the worst time for me. Mostly because I'm away from my friends more than I am during school... and I'm almost sure that I'm not going to survive the summer.
I seriously am nothing without my friends...
It's already tough as it is now.
I know this sounds kind of stupid... but I really don't know if I have a reason for being depressed. I think it's more biological than anything.
I have some issues with being alone. Sometimes I need to be alone, but today for instance, I had to walk across the school yard... and I started shaking, and asked my friend to come with me. He said no, that I was just walking across the yard, and I asked him again. He kind of picked up on my panic, and came across the yard with me. Then when I got to the stair case, I had to walk up about five stairs, get something, and walk back down, and I could barely handle doing that without him there.
It's like... there are moments when I seriously can't be alone. At school, my friends stay with me during those moments, but at home, I have to force myself to the phone to call one of them. I have to force myself because if I didn't call, I'd probably either try to kill myself or cut my arm to shreads, and there's barely any room left on my arms to cut.
I feel terrible for putting my friends through this shit, too. It's not fair to them.
Anyway, if I make it to the end of the school year, I HIGHLY doubt I'll make it through the summer without multiple hospitalizations... if my attempts fail.