1. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    Life dosnt seem to have much to offer me. I have to go out and get it that enjoyment. Happiness. And sometimes that dosnt work out the way I imagine/hoped it be. Im am the nicest person in the world, so much I get taken advantage of. Wtf is that offering me. I just dont know what to do anymore. false hope consumes me. I have this delissional idea that its going to get better or change. so good deeds bite you in the ass whenever possible. Who the hell wants that. Im think about doing doing something stupid. Wouldn't make a difference anyway cause I probably wont find peace there either. I just hope i go in my sleep, not suffering in pain, and no time to ask got for forgivness. I dont think ive had peace or solitude. I have anxiety, anger, depression well graduated to bi plor and bpd, ptsd. As far back as 8 freaking years old. that makes it almost 30 years. Ive always done the right thing. I wasn't a problem child. I cant take anything serious anymore. I expext the worst but never think about expecting anything to come out good. Its just not in my dictionary anymore. And Hey it will be one less person putting America further in debt.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there,

    I am sorry you are going through so much trauma in your life right now. Are you in therapy? Who is aware of how you are feeling truly? Anxiety can get quite severe to the point of suicidal ideation, I get that but there are many treatments out there nowadays to help treat your anxiety. You can find peace in living, that is for sure. I hope you begin to feel better soon.
  3. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hey Silent, I know the feeling, I'm always trying to help others and ignoring myself. I'm not sure why I do it, I've tried to figure it out but can't......I've always been this way and it's hard to change a habit that is so ingrained. I kind of believed that not helping others was selfish and that helping yourself was even more so. Really need to change that mindset, cause one really does get taken advantage of over and over. I'd settle for inner peace and no more anxiety/depression....I hope you feel better. Take care of yourself.
    Ps....it sort of blows the theory what you give out comes back to you :)
  4. citygirl47

    citygirl47 Member

    Silent_chaos, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I would do anything for anybody and somehow I'm the one who gets picked on.I've learned over the years that some people HATE others that excel at just being a nice person, because they look at you and think, 'i wish I could be like that.' In turn this makes them jealous and angry because they know THEY can never be like that.So I know I am special, you know your special and so many others are too.It's just unfortunate that 'WE' have to endure so much pain and suffering..just for being nice.take care please
  5. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    Thank you everyone. Yes petal im in therapy and go to dbt. But that all seems out the window right now. It hard to use a skill that is supposed to help get out of a state of mind, but not going to help if the shits still right tgere when you turn around. Its getting to me lack of sleep so much responsibly I start crying out of frustration. I want to hit something but I dont so it festers. Im under so much pressure and a lot is being expected of me right now. Im house sitting for an older couple. And its a small farm with about 200 animals. Im grateful im going to be able to pay off a loan. She has a couple bird aviarys with about 100 birds, well its 101 degrees out side I spent a couple of hours twice yesterday with water bottles. But 2 died. I havnt told her yet. Shes in Hawaii. I did all I can and then some. And I swear none of her 15 dogs are house trained. They are pissing me off. They get put in the den at night well after only couple of hours a couple of them bark and howel. When I let them out of the den in the morning they walk around find a place to shit and piss then find a nice comfortable spot and sleep all day unless I open the fridge. The temperature is supposed to be going down in couple of days. It seems like cant catch a break from one drama to another. And I dont even creat them. They find me. I just need to hide and stop helping people. You give an inch they take a mile.