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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CyanideMuffin, Nov 26, 2007.

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  1. CyanideMuffin

    CyanideMuffin Member

    Wellm, i'm new here. Im writting just to talk it out, no one has halped me so far, but this is my story:

    My name is Darla and i am 20 years old.

    I dont know where to start but ill just start typing all i got to say.

    First i couldnt look myself in the mirror since i had an aweful allergy due to a stupid cream i used, then i stoped looking my refection in mirrors, windows, tables, spoons, etc because i tought i was horrible. A year and a few months passed after that and i was so desperate that i asked my mom for help. i told her i needed to see a therapist because i couldnt look myself in the mirror and i was sick of it.

    She called my ex-therapist (who i saw when i was a teenager because i had anger problems) and she said thet she couldnt see me anymore cause she was full of work, so she recommended me one of her friends.

    This new therapist told me that we would try to fix my problem in 3 months or else i had to see a psychiatrist; 3 months passed and i went to that psychiatrist and then i had more problems: an eating dissorder near to anorexia or bulimia but not that nig yet, anxiety problems, self hate problems, depression and body dysphormic dissorder, so she gave me a prescription for antidepressants or something (i never saw the prescription). My parents didnt want to admit i had a major problem and they didnt trust the psychiatrist so i am in therapy with another man who is analizing me so he gives teh final result. I hate myself so much, i cut my arms with anything metallic its the only way i can make sure this is actually happening, ive thought of suicide so many times but i havent commited it because even though i have nothing big to live for i still have a little hope; if not i would be dead by now.

    I dont know why am i depressed, i have everything someone could ask for: my parents get me what i want most of the times, i have a good life to some point, school sucks to me because i feel like if everyone hated me, i even have a list of people who i think that hate me, everyday that passes i feel worse, i cant sleep anymore as i would like to, i cant focus on anything, i cant be in a place with people because my anxiety goes out and may end up in a sea of tears which no one would be able to stop, i cant be fine somewhere if i dont wear my sunglasses and a scarf which cover my eyes and mouth.

    Im sick and tired of this, just time can tell.

    By the way one of my friends in school is finding out about my problem, and i try to pretend everything's ok, so that, that means i have a major problem.
  2. Chris Turner

    Chris Turner Member

    no body is perfect sweetheart........... i was bullied heavily at school which buy the age of 16 i was drinking a bottle of gin a day. i drunk a 1l bottle of rum on the school roof and fell off, i was carrying knives in school all because of the anger i had from these people hating me and bullying me. me and a friend (who was in the same situation) used to live life dangerously, pretty much doing what we posibly could to get killed but not intentionaly. and then one day we realised it wasn't worth it...... if we had no friends and we were hated we had each other, and our families. so we pulled our selfs togeather, my GCSE exams suffered heavily from this but i decided to leave school at 16 and go to collage. i got myself an apprentiship learnt a skill, got a HNC in mechanical engineering and by the age of 18 i had bourght my first house. as for now i dont have many friend, but the ones i do have i treat very well, the same as i would want to be treated. and im doing pretty well. i used to self harm, cutting my palms just so i could feel the warm blood running down my arm and seeing how far it got before it turned cold. but no i ask myself why? now i have scars on my hands and when im older and if i have children and they ask me what the scars are from what am i going to tell them? and finally you should never ever be ashamed of the way you look..... i've never seen a person who isn't beautifull in there own way...... the only ugly people are those that are ugly inside and these are the people who bully and pick on others.... and be thankfull you dont look like this (me at 20 lol)

  3. Chris Turner

    Chris Turner Member

    oh and if your friend is a true friend who you really can trust, tell them. it helps so much
  4. alwaysincrisis

    alwaysincrisis Well-Known Member

    Sorry you are going through all of this..........please find the strength to confide in your friend. Be open and honest and she will try and understand I am sure. It will surprise you how much it will empower you to talk openly and it will bring you and your friend even closer........take care of yourself.....
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