Umm...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by MadeOfGlass, Jul 29, 2010.

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  1. MadeOfGlass

    MadeOfGlass Well-Known Member

    I’m done with fighting this. I can’t hold anything together, and it’s all going downhill. I feel totally out of it right now, the nightmares have made it so I think I’ve got about 12-ish hours of sleep since Saturday or so. I’ve got so much going on that I’m sick of dealing with. I know I really didn’t go into much detail, I’m too drained. I’m not going to kill myself now, we’ve got company living with us. But it feels like I’m not going to make it to the end of summer.

    I’m not really sure why I’m posting this, I always feel weird when I start a thread. :unsure: idk…
     
  2. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    I actually felt slightly guilty when I made a thread once...:mhmm:.

    What are you having to deal with? Just vent....about anything :). Some small things tend to get to me. It mainly just builds up and becomes one massive ball of shit. :laugh:.

    Have you ever tried getting help with your depression and your insomnia(it mightn't be that but I'll guess I'll call it that :blink:)? I can't remember if you've stated that when I've chatted with you XD.

    Maybe it's time to get help? I actually thought about what would happen if I told someone..just for a split second. I felt something...like there may have been hope of not thinking of killing myself like 24/7. I dunno.

    I hope you can get more sleep tonight :), or what ever the time is over there :tongue:

    :hugtackles:
     
  3. MadeOfGlass

    MadeOfGlass Well-Known Member

    Mostly what I'm having to deal with is my mother bitching and insulting every single thing I do. I mean, that's nothing new, but for some reason, it's like she's gotten about 3x worse than before about it. She demands that I'm perfect and happy and smiling every second, and that's getting harder and harder-I'm terrified she's catching on that there's something wrong.

    I haven't gotten any help, because of my parents and how they reacted to my cousin being suicidal last fall. But now...I don't know...the idea still scares me a lot. I'm not ready for them to know just yet, but I'm afraid if I put it off, it's going to be too late.
     
  4. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    Yea, parents a be a bitch at times :laugh:. Dad is usually the one that pisses all the kids of at my place. As soon as he comes home from work it just seems to go to shit. But when he is at work or elsewhere, we all seem to be 'ok'. Keeping in mind that our parents don't give much of a shit if we get pissed at each other. So you tend to hear a few slurs here and there. I'm the oldest so I tend to tell them to shut the fuck up :) lol....

    I'm scared of my parents finding out too...like when my mum saw that I was cutting on my wrist like 2 years ago. In their eyes, I don't know if I seemed to have gotten 'better' or something. Like nothing really has changed...in fact this shit has probly gotten worse if anything. My mum basiclly freaked out and started crying. Mind you I was crying at the same time(I had my head in a pillow though :tongue:).

    Maybe you could talk to a crisis line about it? I'm sure they've had dealings with kids with parent problems and stuff. Or maybe some sought of kids help line? I know we have one where I live, but an old friend of mine used it because her dad started getting abusive :(...now she lives in Tasmania. That was what I knew maybe 3 or 4 years back, she could be anywhere now.
     
  5. MadeOfGlass

    MadeOfGlass Well-Known Member

    Yeah, we've got hotlines and stuff you can call in the states, I've just never tried one. I'm worried the call might show up on a phone bill, or they might overhear. And I'm also just horrible at talking on the phone. Even if I'm talking to a friend for school, my voice gets all messed up and choke-y sounding. I don't think I could say all this out loud, tbh. I hope your friend is alright, and I'm guessing she most likely is. :hug:

    I'm so sorry...I blame this thread on impulsivity because of sleep dep. Just forget it, it doesn't matter...
     
  6. nolonger

    nolonger Well-Known Member

    It's ok :hug:. You're struggling and you need help....

    My old friend is alright last I heard, she is(or was..) living with her mum :).

    I might one day call a crisis line...but I'd probly use my mobile phone. I can't remember if it would show up on the bill. Guess I'll have to check it out :laugh:.

    I hope you get help before it's to late Sarah :smile:....
     
  7. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    I don't know everything, but I want to try.

    Part of this may be that you have company, right? Maybe your mom will ease up at the end of the summer when that is over? You said you would hang til then, keep on -- it may be that things get better.

    Also, have you tried talking to your mom? I mean, they may have reacted one way to your cousin, but when it's their child, they may be different. They may suddenly realize you need help. She may be bugging you because she's being passive aggressive and trying to get you to spill the beans, so to speak.

    I don't know. I'm certainly no expert.

    I do know that I've come to adore you and I want you to feel better. You don't' have to feel the way you do. Keep talking and hopefully all of us together can help you find a way. :hug:
     
  8. spiritxfade

    spiritxfade Well-Known Member

    Aw Sarah of course it matters.

    I don't know about you, but I find it exhausting to pretend to be cheerful all te time when I'm feeling really down.

    As for telling your parents, do they know you're depressed? If not, start with that. Ask for help with depression, and then tell a professional that you feel this way. I'm sure your parents will be willing to get you the help you need.

    Sarah we love you and we want you to be safe. Keep us posted and feel free to rant away. *hug*
     
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