ummm...happy here

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by joshkline, Dec 21, 2009.

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  1. joshkline

    joshkline New Member

    Ok, this may be a little strange for a suicide forum, but I am neither suicidal or depressed. Actually, I am quite happy.

    I am posting to let you know my background and motivations.

    I have stage four cancer, melanoma to be precise
    and, while we don't know how long I have to live, it is not long
    (compared to the normal life span a 29 year old has to look forward to)

    strangely enough, contemplating death has not made me fearful of life, even as I would expect it to. Facing death has actually turned me into a more centered, focused, and appreciative dude.

    Now, for some background:

    I have been suicidal in the past
    I know exactly what it feels like
    the obsessive negative thoughts, the strange pleasure from visualizing the suicide event, to the feelings of separation from social outlets because "people just don't understand"

    to this day..I hear someone say.."it is not so bad...cheer up" and I wanna puke...

    I know what it feels like to judge myself on success or failure
    to judge myself based on worldly results
    "I am a failure because......"

    I know what it feels like to look at the masses of people
    and one understands what I feel...if they knew me...they would be bummed by me for sure...even run from me

    there is some info for you
    now..what exactly my role here is
    I can't say
    I am not sure

    but I look forward to running into you

  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Hi and welcome to SF!
  3. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Rare case. Sorry for what you're going through, welcome.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum Joshua. Even though you are not currently in the throes of depression or suicidal feelings, the fact that you have been there and can understand where these feelings may need can make you a vital part of our community. i am sorry to hear about your illness. Let us know if there are things we can do to help support you through during this time. :hug:
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Josh, welcome to the forum :hug:
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Josh welcome to the forums!! Maybe your positive results in getting past SI and depression might help some here at the forums..
  7. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    welcome to sf josh i'm sorry for your medical predicament i hope you live the last of your days well
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