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Un healthy relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by a 4 she, Jan 1, 2013.

  1. a 4 she

    a 4 she Member

    I'll try to do it short (excuse my English, I don't use it lately)

    Four years ago:
    She is almost 40,I just turned 20.
    She does drugs
    I've never done drugs and don't know nothing about how people look like when high
    She lies about it
    I start to worry about it, cant sleep at night when she goes out, thinking she maybe is wasting money in coke, I get very nervous and cut myself
    I lose some money while she es at home (where has teh money gone? O dont know, buti think it was her)
    We go party together, she does drugs, I punch a wall, she gets mad at me, i ask her to leave, she wants to stay even when im all tears and blood and i must stay with her and her friends with my hand bleeding
    When we go home she drivesher car on drugs and i think "please lets have a mortal car crush"I am concious of the danger, she doesnt seem to care
    Next morning we talk about it and she tells me I'm crazy and that I am getting things wrong, that she didnt do that
    This kind of thing happens from time to time.
    I cut myself more and more, just as I used to do years before but now everytime i do it I show my arms/legs/whatever to her, so she can see how bad she is for me
    I only cut now when I am sure she will see the cuts

    One day i visit her and she is high. This time she cant deny it (rest of the times it was sure to me that she was lying to me, but this time it got too far)
    Now she is going to therapy
    So what?

    I hate her for all that she made me feel when we were partying. She lied to me,accused me of not trusting her, made me stay in places I didnt like, treated me like Im stupid...

    I'm afraid I am still with her because I want my revange. I want her to feel as bad as she made me feel.

    So I know I should leave her, but I know she will suffer if I leave her and me too.
    It s a really an unhealthy relationship that is almost 4 years old now.
    I feel like Im a such person because I love her but I know that'snot the reason why I am still with her.I think I'm wasting our time..

    Am I a psicopath or something? :S

    And how is it that my psicologist doesnt know anything about it!? Do you think she could help me if I told her about this?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes tell you psychologist about it hun who will help you and guide you away from this person ok talk to your psychologist hugs
  3. a 4 she

    a 4 she Member

    thanx...I think I will... I never tell her about my "gf"... she hardly knows I have one... I hate to talk about her, it makes me feel stupid. grr It'sakind of hate-love relationship that is driving me crazy