Unable to help

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by Ziggy, Nov 9, 2008.

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  1. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    Let's say that you have friends that you care about, they have problems and you want to help them, but you can't. How do you deal with that?
     
  2. ~Tosh~

    ~Tosh~ Forum Buddy

    It depends on the situation hun, they have to be willing to help themselves. If they arent unfortunately all you can do is be there to support them, comfort them and offer to listen and if they really need you, they will turn to you. I know it is hard watching a friend suffer but they will know when the itme is right to speak out :hug:
     
  3. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    I guess they speak out but you're still unable to help, so what good is support and comfort if they end up dead anyway? ( By this I mean that I know support and comfort is good, but maybe they should get support and comfort from someone who can make a difference? They feel that they need you and can turn to you but that's a mistake because you can't help them, in fact they need to turn to someone else, so aren't you part of the problem and not the cure?)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 9, 2008
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Let them ruin a few more lives?.. That's what I'm doing.
     
  5. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Depends on the circumstances and situation. But if I could not truly help then I would find someone who could help out, thus in the end I did help by finding someone who can help, it that makes any sense.
     
  6. Ziggy

    Ziggy Antiquitie's Friend

    Two completely different points:

    1) Let's take a hypothetical situation. Let's say your mates house is broken into and he's beaten up and robbed. Now you can say well the doctor will help with the injuries, the police will help secure the house, the insurance will help replace his stuff. But you think as a friend what can I do, what should I do? I guess even a hug may help... but I don't hug, I'm a bit crap when it comes to emotional stuff.

    2) I often think "what's the point of telling people stuff because there's nothing they can do about it". So once they do manage to tell you and you, in effect, say "sorry, there's not a lot I can do about it", well I guess it reinforces their negative beliefs, which is not good.

    And in situation 1 & 2 people can say "well, you were there" and "it's good to have someone to talk to" but your inability to be of much use just makes their situation seem worse maybe?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 11, 2008
  7. xXWhateverItTakesXx

    xXWhateverItTakesXx Forum Buddy

    You can offer support in many different ways. You could offer for them so stay round your place for a bit (if possible) This might help them feel safe and secure again. You could offer to help look into some kind of home security to prevent it from happening again. You can also give them a hug and say you are always willing to listen and do all that you can do.

    It kind of depends on what they tell you. With some things, I know it can be hard to give advice and such, especially if you don't know a lot about that subject. But, sometimes just by listening you have helped the person a lot, and you could figure out how to get other help together(Professional help ect). And see someone who could give that advice to them.

    Hope I helped a bit x :hug:
     
  8. bleach

    bleach Well-Known Member

    Start by asking how your mate feels about it. Just asking lets he/she know that you are available for support and if they feel like talking they will.

    Even if you are only giving them an outlet for pain and bad emotions, that is useful enough. Even if you are only telling them "I'm sorry," that can mean everything. People need each other, we need to feel needed by each other, we need to feel important to each other. You can't remove their every problem in life but you can show them they matter to you, which may be all they were looking for. Besides, some people don't even want/trust advice or help, but nobody wants to be alone when they are hurting (I don't think).
     
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