i dont mean this in the way your probably expecting, i have a few people that i can talk to if i could and wanted to pile my problems onto them, but i seem to be physically unable to have a conversation in person with anyone. even with my mum or best friend it's just an awkward silence then a few words then another silence. i think i have some major personality fault where i feel anxious and awkward talking to anyone, i cant talk to people on the phone without literally forcing myself to, the thought of talking to a person face to face that i dont know terrorfies me which is why it is so hard for me to go to a doctor and i could never get any benefit from therapy... so my life pretty much consists of staying home listening to music and talking to people online, and even then anything more then the occasional chat is so hard. my life seems so empty and unforfilled, i doubt i will ever be able to have a real job or go back to college. i wouldent class myself as actively suicidal but i honestly dont see how there can be any other option when the alternative is living like this.