Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Robbis, Sep 16, 2007.

  1. Robbis

    Robbis New Member

    Hello, I am a late-teens male who just recently told my parents that I am gay. My father told me that he was extremely dissapointed, while my mother just sat there in shock. He gave me that whole "The bible says...." nonsense. They want me to go to a ex-gay program because "It's just not normal.". I really feel like I'm the only one who happens to be attracted to the same sex at my school. I can't know for sure but we have a relatively small school so my presumptions are most likely true. I have no self-confidence left in myself. I have recently thought about suicide quite often. Even my brother calls me a ******. I feel as if suicide is the only option.
  2. this is the problem with our society...there's so much discrimination in the world, i mean who says that a guy can't love guys or girls can't love girls? it's that you love that matters, i really understand where you're coming from, about being judged especially by family, im here for you, if you ever want to talk, just PM me...
  3. Fatman1966

    Fatman1966 Antiquitie's Friend

    Hang on in there, things will get better, the bible is a very strange book, its so full of conflicting stories, that you can take almost any situation and find something both for and against it, the section most used to say being "gay" is wrong, is not that clear and has to be misquoted to make it relavent at all.

    I would put all my life savings that you are not the only person that feels this way in your town, or even your school, you are just the only one that has been brave enough to face up to the issue at such an early age, you should be proud of that, it took me 40 years to come out to my friends and my parents still dont know.

    The whole "ex gay" thing is really really stupid, I am 40 years old, and was also brought up to think being gay was just wrong, how did dear old dad put it "those kind of people should be shot at birth", it would break his heart, to know that is me he is talking about, I have tried to be straight, single, for a long long time, it just doesn't work, I could no more not be gay than a tree could not grow leaves, its just a part of me and no matter how much I didn't like it at your age, there has been and still is, nothing I can do about it.

    Try not to get too upset over this, give it some time, they will come round in the end, what was your relationship like with your brother before you told him ? if it was good then try talking to him, tell him how badly it is making you feel, there might be local gay youth groups you could go to, support groups, counsilors, people that really care about you, might not like it, but if they really do care and know how sad it is making you, then they will still be there for you, but they can't be, if they don't know how bad you are feeling

    Its hard really hard, but you are still the same person you used to be, who you find attractive is only a small part of who you are, in my experience the ones that play up the most about it, are the ones that are very scared by the fact they might like the same sex too.
  4. jolie

    jolie Member

    Don't fret. You always have the option of getting out of your town after you finish school, and going somewhere that accepts the gay/lesbian community.

    You probably have a chance of winning your mother over to your side, if you talk to her alone, since you said she just sat in shock. Now if she goes around waving a finger at you and yelling "bad boy", that's another thing.

    As for your dad, I know how it feels to have a father who's so unaccepting and judgemental. My dad came from a town of country bumpkins, and considers himself a hardcore homophobic.

    You don't have to live your life according to your parents. It's your life, your emotions. You had the balls to express what you feel and if your parents can't deal with it, so be it.

    You'll make it through this tribulation, and then you'll hitch a train to Chicago and live on Halsted, where you'll meet cool people who aren't closeminded and terrified of what they don't know. :wink:
  5. $MyName

    $MyName Well-Known Member

    I have a friend who went through a very similar thing with his family when he told them, but after a while (can't remember the exact time, but it was a few months) they begun to accept and understand. Now they are as close as they ever were again. Maybe it won't happen that quick, or whatever, but at least this shows there is hope of things improving with your family :) Hang in there.
  6. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    you should consider yourself lucky that there are people in west who don't consider it a taboo. People elswhere are quite unlucky in this regard.
  7. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Hey Robbis,
    Listen as any parent they wouldn't expect their child to come out as being gay but the way your parents are reacting in my eyes are wrong. You are still their son, nothing has changed except you don't like women sexually, so what? The whole ex gay program is a crock of shit in my opinion. It's just someone trying to brainwash you to stop feeling what you feel is right. Your feelings and sexual orientation shouldn't define you as a person

    Your brother is also very callous. I find it disheartening when it's the family members that turn on people for outting themselves. Please stay strong hun. Here at SF youa re welcomed with open arms. Stay safe and I'm a PM away if you need to talk

  8. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Here is some practical advice. Of course your Dad is disappointed. He looks at you and sees grand-children, a wonderful daughter-in-law, etc. That's OK. He needs time to adjust, and he will. Anyone who says that any understanding and compassionate person would just accept this and throw you a parade is wrong. Your Dad needs time to assimilate the information and to change his expectations. This is perfectly normal, and I believe that he will accept this fact and move on and start to see you as you are, NOT who he wants you to be. Your Mother seems to be handling it better (Mothers always do). She is in shock, yes, but she will come around, as will your Dad. It sounds like (from what you have said) that they are shocked but will come to terms with it. Remember, they have had a vision of what you would be (society's image) since you were a baby in diapers. This does not mean that they are intolerant or bigoted. They just need time. And to me, it sounds like they love you very much and will do what they can to change their perspective.

    Remember, your parents are also feeling YOUR hurt. Parents know the difficulty that can come with a gay lifestyle. They know that you will be judged, that you will live a more difficult life as a result of your sexuality. This hurts them a thousand times more than the simple fact that you happen to be gay. They understand that it is a burden and that society is not always understanding about homosexuality. IMO, this is what hurts them most of all...knowing that you will endure pain as a result. Don't see this as prejudice...try to see it as compassion, because that is what they are feeling right now.

    They just want you to be happy, and they are afraid that you will be less happy as a result of your sexuality.

    It seems to me that once they accept this, they will be very supportive of you.
  9. am I alive

    am I alive Well-Known Member

    thats true
  10. kogi

    kogi New Member

    My friend, Do not give up. Your parents may say this and that but they still love you and do accept you. It is true they need time to absorb it but do not let it let you down. I am not gay but I see nothing wrong with it. In our world we were raised too long that men marry womens and this and that. It is time the world understand to accept the reality. You are cared my friend. Do not give up.
  11. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Your parents/siblings may still be in shock from this revelation. They may be angry at you because they feel you hid something important from them, or they may be angry at themselves for not seeing it and are projecting that anger onto you.

    Give them time before you make any rash decisions, see if they turn around.

    You should be supported by your family, especially with regard to an extremely sensitive situation like yours. If they don't, then to hell with them, because they're wrong.

    Tell them "because a guy named Lead Savior on the internet said so" too.
  12. j86

    j86 Well-Known Member

    I love this type of thread, not being mean but because I feel I can help so many because I have been accepted.

    I first came out to my parents when I was 16. It was a failed attempt and I was very depressed. I held all my emotions in because I felt I couldn't communicate with my family anymore.

    That led to a lot of personal self-struggles and I recommend not doing that - holding things in. Try to express yourself as much as you can. It's healthy.

    This year, in April (I was 20), my sister told my parents i'm gay. To my surprise, my mom was not upset and she said she'd love me no matter what. It took my dad about a month or so to really come to accept me. He wasn't angry during that time span but he just had things to work out.

    So acceptance does really exist!
  13. aloneEliza

    aloneEliza Active Member

    Don't end your life because other people are bigots.

    If anyone says anything, ask how they got their "homosexual" rant out of the Bible while missing the whole bit about loving others and treating them kindly.