I'm really struggling with feeling abandoned right now. It's nothing new, because I've been a BPD sufferer for many years, but today the pain is unbearable. I can't calm my racing head and I can't which thoughts are mine and which have been put there. I have one friend who I consider my 'best' friend, but I'm too afraid to reach out, because on quite a few occasions when I have been in crisis, she has not responded. It would hurt me more to be ignored than to keep it all inside. My other friend who I consider a very close friend can be very insensitive and if I am feeling suicidal, he tries to give me advice and starts talking about when he felt suicidal which makes me feel invalidated. I have no family apart from the uncle that I live with who has Asperger's. I cannot reach out to him because he starts talking about himself and doesn't know when to stop, which makes me feel more overwhelmed. I keep having intrusive thoughts of suicide which are completely dominating my mind. It's as if I am seeing my own death over and over in various ways. I woke up in so much emotional pain, and now it's tenfold because I feel so alone. I've been given a card with a number on for the crisis line for people who are under my county's mental health team, but when I've called them in the past, they've made me feel much worse, because they tell me to read a book or take a bath or listen to music, like I'm a complete idiot. I can't distract myself from suicidal thoughts, not when I feel so shunned.