Unbearable loneliness and intrusive thoughts of suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by So Fetch, Aug 29, 2011.

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  1. So Fetch

    So Fetch Member

    I'm really struggling with feeling abandoned right now. It's nothing new, because I've been a BPD sufferer for many years, but today the pain is unbearable. I can't calm my racing head and I can't which thoughts are mine and which have been put there. I have one friend who I consider my 'best' friend, but I'm too afraid to reach out, because on quite a few occasions when I have been in crisis, she has not responded. It would hurt me more to be ignored than to keep it all inside. My other friend who I consider a very close friend can be very insensitive and if I am feeling suicidal, he tries to give me advice and starts talking about when he felt suicidal which makes me feel invalidated. I have no family apart from the uncle that I live with who has Asperger's. I cannot reach out to him because he starts talking about himself and doesn't know when to stop, which makes me feel more overwhelmed.

    I keep having intrusive thoughts of suicide which are completely dominating my mind. It's as if I am seeing my own death over and over in various ways.
    I woke up in so much emotional pain, and now it's tenfold because I feel so alone. I've been given a card with a number on for the crisis line for people who are under my county's mental health team, but when I've called them in the past, they've made me feel much worse, because they tell me to read a book or take a bath or listen to music, like I'm a complete idiot. I can't distract myself from suicidal thoughts, not when I feel so shunned.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Keep reaching out here. :hug: I don't know how to make the thoughts go away, but I can listen and offer support. So if you need someone to talk to, you can PM me anytime.
     
  3. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    hi jesse,sounds like your in a really bad place.why not risk it and reach out to your friends?If they cant be there for you now,when can they?And if that guy starts talking about himself just tell him to shut up and listen to you!I found the samaritans were good for listening when ive been at my lowest with no one to talk to. Hang in there x
     
  4. Dermot

    Dermot New Member

    To so fetch
    My heart goes out to you i know when ive felt this way its so lonely and isolating and nothing to stop the constant thought of suicide. I have a history of mental illnesses including being cross addicted. I have to admit ive reliezed that its best to talk about it like what your doing. if you need a chat any time im only to glad to talk to you. :moonwalk:
     
  5. Dermot

    Dermot New Member

    To jessie
    My heart goes out to you i know when ive felt this way its so lonely and isolating and nothing to stop the constant thought of suicide. I have a history of mental illnesses including being cross addicted. I have to admit ive reliezed that its best to talk about it like what your doing. if you need a chat any time im only to glad to talk to you. :moonwalk:
     
  6. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    Oh I'm so very sorry that you're feeling so low and desperate. Sounds like you have a few people who you could reach out to such as friends and your uncle, but all of the options may leave you feel invalidated and unheard. Is there anyone who may hear you? Have you ever tried phoning the samaritans? Granted, when i have in the past, it's largely dependent on the person you get on the end of the phone but you can always hang up and call again as you rarely get the same person twice.. keep on trying until someone hears you and gives you space to talk about whatever YOU want to talk about.

    I hope you're able to stay safe.. i assume you're under your local mental health team? Would you feel able to contact your CPN/worker tomorrow when they're back in the office? Hope you're able to stay safe in the meantime though.. maybe keep writing here if it helps too?

    Jenny x
     
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