unbearable suffering

[rxe6je]

ive been suicidle for about 3 months. as in not just thinking about it, or wanting to act on it, but having to stop myself from acting on it, or having someone else stop me. i dont know what to do because i cant sleep at night at all and so im alone all night feeling like i have to kill myself and i cant control myself at all when it takes over. im scared of what i will do to myself. ive been violently self harming to calm myself but the last few days it isnt working. ive been feeling agitated restless and anxious the last few days. i dont have depression by the way. right now i just keep feeling like i have to do something because the feeling of being agitated is too painful. i just dont know what to do because i cant control myself at those times. yesterday my mum had to hold me down for 3 hours because i felt that compulsion to kill myself. i can't see a doctor because i dont leave my house. it will take over a week for him to come to visit me at home. every hour is the biggest struggle ever. i cant explain the feeling. i cant go to the hospital because i 'm phobic of hospitals and my mum said they probably dont have enough room. again i dont leave my house. i cant do anything so focusing on something else doesnt work. i cant even shower or change without help anymore. i've tried talking to a helpline but they dont help me at all. i really dont know what to do anymore. im terrified of what i will end up doing to myself. theres more to this whole thing but i dont want to expose anything on this forum. i really dont know what to do and this was the last resort posting on a forum.

 

[dazzle11215]

this sounds like an emergency situation and you need some help straight away. i'm 100% sure that the one week wait list doesn't apply in this case, if you or you mum explains what is happening. would someone having a heart attack be asked to wait a week for a doctor to arrive? no.
call back and explain that it is an emergency, and let them take it from there. don't worry about being admitted, it might be one of many options available to you.
call back today, please?
c.

 

[rxe6je]

this sounds like an emergency situation and you need some help straight away. i'm 100% sure that the one week wait list doesn't apply in this case, if you or you mum explains what is happening. would someone having a heart attack be asked to wait a week for a doctor to arrive? no.
call back and explain that it is an emergency, and let them take it from there. don't worry about being admitted, it might be one of many options available to you.
call back today, please?
c.

i havent called them yet. i don't know if they will listen even if they think its an emergency. i dont know where you live but im in england and im not sure if they would change their list just for me.

 

[Hanging by a thread]

I live in england and they will change there list hun. You need to call them back and get some help.

Laura x

 

[BOLIAO]

ive been suicidle for about 3 months. as in not just thinking about it, or wanting to act on it, but having to stop myself from acting on it, or having someone else stop me. i dont know what to do because i cant sleep at night at all and so im alone all night feeling like i have to kill myself and i cant control myself at all when it takes over. im scared of what i will do to myself. ive been violently self harming to calm myself but the last few days it isnt working. ive been feeling agitated restless and anxious the last few days. i dont have depression by the way. right now i just keep feeling like i have to do something because the feeling of being agitated is too painful. i just dont know what to do because i cant control myself at those times. yesterday my mum had to hold me down for 3 hours because i felt that compulsion to kill myself. i can't see a doctor because i dont leave my house. it will take over a week for him to come to visit me at home. every hour is the biggest struggle ever. i cant explain the feeling. i cant go to the hospital because i 'm phobic of hospitals and my mum said they probably dont have enough room. again i dont leave my house. i cant do anything so focusing on something else doesnt work. i cant even shower or change without help anymore. i've tried talking to a helpline but they dont help me at all. i really dont know what to do anymore. im terrified of what i will end up doing to myself. theres more to this whole thing but i dont want to expose anything on this forum. i really dont know what to do and this was the last resort posting on a forum.

I felt exactly the same way as you did a few months ago. It's like I myself cannot control my suicidal urges. The feeling were not just plain thoughts but were very real feelings / urges to self terminate. Finally, I knew I was REALLY going to do it in a matter of 1 or 2 days and for the sake of pleasing my old folks, I had to FORCE myself to see the quack for some anti-depressants which I do not believe in them working at all. For the love of my old folks, I promised to take the medication religiously everyday and will hang on at least for three weeks. Felt better but still horribly depressed. The strong suicidal urges/feelings went away but I still have constant thoughts of suicide. However, at least I feel I'm not at the snapping stage but still wish I die.

I think u may need medication to control those feelings / urges. As much as I didnt believe that popping some pills is going to turn my life around or solve my problems, it made me stabler.

 

[gentlelady]

You do need to seek outside help, as difficult as that may be for you. If you can get the extreme suicidal urges under control. The other issues can be dealt with, but one thing at a time. If your mom will, let her place the call to the necessary people.we wish to see you safe. Please let us know how you are doing. :hug:

 

[rxe6je]

I felt exactly the same way as you did a few months ago. It's like I myself cannot control my suicidal urges. The feeling were not just plain thoughts but were very real feelings / urges to self terminate. Finally, I knew I was REALLY going to do it in a matter of 1 or 2 days and for the sake of pleasing my old folks, I had to FORCE myself to see the quack for some anti-depressants which I do not believe in them working at all. For the love of my old folks, I promised to take the medication religiously everyday and will hang on at least for three weeks. Felt better but still horribly depressed. The strong suicidal urges/feelings went away but I still have constant thoughts of suicide. However, at least I feel I'm not at the snapping stage but still wish I die.

I think u may need medication to control those feelings / urges. As much as I didnt believe that popping some pills is going to turn my life around or solve my problems, it made me stabler.

Im on prozac but not for depression because I dont have depression, Im not depressed I just feel tormented alll the livelong day. Ive tried a lot of other anti anxiety drugs and prozac was kind of the last chance for me. and it doesnt do anything for me. My dr kept doubling my dosage and still nothing. They dont help my anxiety or ocd at all.

 

[BOLIAO]

Im on prozac but not for depression because I dont have depression, Im not depressed I just feel tormented alll the livelong day. Ive tried a lot of other anti anxiety drugs and prozac was kind of the last chance for me. and it doesnt do anything for me. My dr kept doubling my dosage and still nothing. They dont help my anxiety or ocd at all.

Certain anti-depressants are used to treat anxiety , depression & OCD. Prozac might not work for you but other medications might. In my past few episodes, prozac, effexor, luvox, zoloft didnt work at all for me and thats why during this current episode, I refused to see the dos until I was about to do it. Certain meds work for certain people but not for everyone. My doc also told me that he's got to try different types of medication on me to see which works. I'm on Cymbalta now. It worked to a certain extent. You must tell ur doc your meds are not working despite the doubled dosage.