This year i have really struggled with the long periods of being down and feeling really suicidal, Trying for help so far has been a really long dragged out process due to issues with my doc/therapist i was given at the first meeting. So it has been close to almost 3 months with no support now dude to my letter of request to get a new therapist, which was denied the first time through and was never notified (Took 2 weeks to find it out) where i had to go in and request a meeting. I have been repeatedly asked what they can do to help me, i am unsure of what they can offer for me at all as i have been messed around with so much i no longer care about anything. But i finally have a meeting this Friday coming where my mum is to come and i am somewhat scared because my mum has no clue what has been happening with me. So over these few months i couldn't care about anything anymore, all i think about is when will i die. My class attendance has drops a bit as i tend to skip a few hours some mornings due to be tired (I dont know if i am depressed much or not) i have been skipping classes on Fridays which are voluntary and i have been failing to complete assignments on time or complete any work. I have started drinking every few nights now to give me something to do and to help me sleep since i dont sleep very well. My Dreams don't have anything in them anymore but me being alone and when i am awake it still feels like i am in a dream. I have no clue what to do with my life and every time i am happy, i become more acceptable to wanting to commit suicide and brings a smile to my face knowing that i will soon be dead. My meds run out tomorrow so i will have 3 days without medications so i cant get any until the meeting on friday. I missed them for one day this week and i become a complete wreck to where i ordered a method. In the end i am just tired of living this lie of a life and want to end it all so i can finally be at peace. Sorry if none of this makes any sense as i write what is on my mind at this current time. Life has some positives but death has over whelming positives at my current point.