Uncertain

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by katiekaboom, Oct 5, 2013.

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  1. katiekaboom

    katiekaboom Member

    I woke up this morning depressed and, once again, could not snap out of it. I thought that I was going to get better with this new start. I thought that I could finally become a person that I could respect, but I keep falling back into this sadness that I can't shake off. I am a terrible person and I feel like I deserve to die. I've done so many terrible things and I don't think that I deserve another chance. I've been given too many already. Some days I want to move on from the past and pretend like it never happened. Most of the time, I can't stop remembering...everything. I'm struggling between wanting to end it and wishing more than anything that I could be someone else. I hate this feeling of self pity. I feel weak and I can't pretend that I am good enough to have support from others. I struggle with this issue because I still want to live, I just don't want to be myself anymore.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Many of us feel we do not deserve understanding and care hun You do ok you are not weak for feeling sad hun depression is an illness just like any other illness and you need to have support to help you get better. i do hope you can talk to your doctor ok You deserve as many chances as it takes to get you well hun
     
  3. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    I've also done things that I feel bad about so I can relate to that. But you have to remember that we're only human and we make mistakes. Making bad choices doesn't make us bad people. Granted, Idk the things you've done, but I'm confident in assuming that they aren't as terrible as you think they are. You have to forgive yourself.
     
  4. katiekaboom

    katiekaboom Member

    I know this sounds too harsh, but what I did went totally against what I believe in and that is that part that gets to me. It would be ok if it happened once or twice, but it was an ongoing thing and I feel like a hypocrite. I don't want to pretend that I am too high and mighty to never make mistakes, but the mistakes that I made were too terrible. I'm at a point in my life where I can progress and I don't even know if I should allow myself the chance. I don't feel like I deserve to then again I feel like to end everything would be a terrible action as well.
     
  5. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    ^I'm assuming the things you've done are in the past and you're not currently doing them?(Please correct me if I'm wrong.) If so, then all that matters is what you're doing now. Whatever it is you've done, try to take it as a lesson and learn from it instead of feeling bad over it. I'm sure that'd be hard for you to do, but if you wanna feel better about it then you have to realize you're not a bad person because of these mistakes, choose to grow from them and become a better person, and forgive yourself. I mean, I'm no doctor, but that seems best to me. Because what other choice do you have? Continue to let it eat you up? That'll most likely only lead to bad things, bad things that you don't deserve because you're not an evil person and you don't deserve to feel so shitty about this.
     
  6. katiekaboom

    katiekaboom Member

    Thank you.
     
  7. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    ^You're welcome. :)
     
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