Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Shannøn444, Aug 13, 2016.

  1. Shannøn444

    Shannøn444 Active Member

    I'm not sure what I want, what I aspire to be or even who I want to be.
    I'm not even sure whether I'm unhappy anymore, I feel like I'm almost past sadness. If someone to were ask me how I felt I would simply say I don't know. I'm not if it's numbness or emptiness that I feel, or if I even feel at all. All I know is its not good.
    My mind is filled with 101 twisted ways to die, 100 reasons why I should and an uncertainty of why I haven't done it yet.
    As twisted as it sounds I almost envy death.
    When I tell people about my feelings I am given distractions, but at what point will the distractions stop. When your whole life is a distraction then is there truly any point ? Why must I treasure I life I don't want ? And what does it matter if I'm dead or alive ?
    The pills, the talking and the distractions aren't enough. When you secretly love the pain and don't fully wish to get any better then is there really any hope ?
    Maybe my purpose is to simply live and die
  2. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Distractions are a great, but short term fix. You cannot build your life with them. But as you use distraction techniques, you give yourself the time and space to learn more about other topics that will help you in the long term and those you can use to help build a life that is worth living. But you have to be proactive in using that time constructively that distraction can buy you.

    Its not a fairground ride we cant get off, we can get off if we choose to. We can change, but only if we want to. Theres only one person who can bring that about, and thats you. Depression and other forms of mental health issues mess with your head and make you think you dont want to get better or that you cant. It twists things around so you doubt which way is up and which way is down. You are ill, simple as that. As with all illness, if you dont treat it, it wont get better. You have the choices, you just have to try and make the right ones for you.
    moxman, Petal and Shannøn444 like this.