Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mr.Dean, Oct 15, 2014.

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  1. mr.Dean

    mr.Dean New Member

    hello, whoevers reading this can call me Mr. Dean. i have real questions that require real answers. so skip the bullshit samantics and flattery. im not phishing, im just looking for (undecided).

    for about five months now ive been dealing with an everyday persons life. im 18 (physicly) but feel like im in my sixtys mentally. everything is perfectly normal, living with a perfectly normal family in the middle class. over the past few years ive been completely, and utterly stumped. my life is leading nowhere and i cant fine the compasson for anything or anyone, even those close to me. im tired of trying to improve my life with no success. as of recently i just keep getting this feeling of nothing mattering. i have somewhat of a shady childhood and young adult life but for the past year everything has been "normal". atleast thats what everyone would think, except for me aparantly. through my childhood (starting at 12) i was thrusted into a world of drugs and money, just to end up battling addiction through age 13 to my 17th birthday. drugs are no longer a part of my life as of a year ago.

    Enough about that though. Mainly, im here because my multiple shrinks have rung me out and ran me dry with nothing other than a "try not to think about it that way" and a "dont feel bad about it" oh and also here try this drug that makes you brain dead. i feel like my world has completely stoped, and every last second going bye is just 1 second longer of me regretting not being able to do anything about 1not being able to find a job for 2 years, 2 living off my sister because id rather not be homeless, 3 watching the world pass me bye and not being able to do anything about it.

    sometimes i think, even after me being dead and the sad feelings have gone buy, just maybe my sister (single mother) would be able to afford her baby some new clothes, some new shoes. dont give me any shit about oh people will be sad, people will miss you. i dont give a fuck if people will miss me, or be sad. i guess thats because im just a bad person in general. an asshole i guess.

    any thoughts? feel free to speak freely, i dont have any emotions left to be hurt.
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Whil elots of times people feel much older than what they are and certain lifestyles have given th eopportunity to experience some few things sooner than other people, the simple fact is you 18. Until this year you have never had the opportunity to make any real decisions for your life that can effect a change except minor ones. You have no purpose prior to 18 because the onluy real purpose until then is to attain an age where you are even allowed to make a positive decision for yourself that actually has some value. 2 years looking for a job woulr be a long time for some, but since half of it was as a self admitted drug addicted 16 year old it is hardly a barometer for realty.

    I am not going to tell you things are suddenly going to be better because they will not. But you are now old enough that you can actually make choices for yourself about where you live and what you do. Yes, they require money and experience and those are not east to come by- that is the real world. You get out of it what you put into it. Since roughly a 1/4 of your already short life was spent being completely wasted rather than preparing yourself for being more successful as an adult there will be and is some delay in getting some of the freedoms that come with being an adult like the ability to get and maintain employment that is something that interests you.

    Spend a couple years trying to make some good decisions about education and lifestyle choices and then decide if there are positives in the world and if you can find some meaning in your life. While a year or two seems like a long time at your age (because it is based on the fact it is a significant percentage of your life) it is actually nothing. A car loan is typically a commitment of 5 years - for something as small as what car you will drive a 5 year commitment, and you are this inpatient after less than a year as an adult. You may think you feel like 60, but in reality you do not know what 20 and an actual adult making your own decisions for a a year or two feels like. You are completely dependent on family still for all your basic needs. Work on getting a plan for getting some independence and and then try making some decisions for yourself and see how that goes before deciding whether life has anything to offer you or not.
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