hello, whoevers reading this can call me Mr. Dean. i have real questions that require real answers. so skip the bullshit samantics and flattery. im not phishing, im just looking for (undecided). for about five months now ive been dealing with an everyday persons life. im 18 (physicly) but feel like im in my sixtys mentally. everything is perfectly normal, living with a perfectly normal family in the middle class. over the past few years ive been completely, and utterly stumped. my life is leading nowhere and i cant fine the compasson for anything or anyone, even those close to me. im tired of trying to improve my life with no success. as of recently i just keep getting this feeling of nothing mattering. i have somewhat of a shady childhood and young adult life but for the past year everything has been "normal". atleast thats what everyone would think, except for me aparantly. through my childhood (starting at 12) i was thrusted into a world of drugs and money, just to end up battling addiction through age 13 to my 17th birthday. drugs are no longer a part of my life as of a year ago. Enough about that though. Mainly, im here because my multiple shrinks have rung me out and ran me dry with nothing other than a "try not to think about it that way" and a "dont feel bad about it" oh and also here try this drug that makes you brain dead. i feel like my world has completely stoped, and every last second going bye is just 1 second longer of me regretting not being able to do anything about 1not being able to find a job for 2 years, 2 living off my sister because id rather not be homeless, 3 watching the world pass me bye and not being able to do anything about it. sometimes i think, even after me being dead and the sad feelings have gone buy, just maybe my sister (single mother) would be able to afford her baby some new clothes, some new shoes. dont give me any shit about oh people will be sad, people will miss you. i dont give a fuck if people will miss me, or be sad. i guess thats because im just a bad person in general. an asshole i guess. any thoughts? feel free to speak freely, i dont have any emotions left to be hurt.