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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Freya, Oct 22, 2010.

  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    You'd think that being afraid of dying would suggest that you want to live but... I don't. Each day it becomes harder and harder to find a reason to carry on carrying on. I have heard all of the reasons before: don't hurt the people who love you... well what if nobody loves you? If there isn't anyone to hurt then...
    When I was younger I made a list of all the things I wanted to achieve before I die - looking back over that list, not a single one of the things is achievable - not even if I live for the next fifty years. If you can't achieve anything that you wanted in life, anything that you dreamed of, then what is the point of continuing?
    The world is already overpopulated - I am using up resources that are simply wasted on me. There is no longer anything I can contribute to the world, humanity... to the future. I am a drain and a burden and society would be better off without me in it.
    When death is the logical solution to the problem - not only to my own but to those that I burden... then being afraid of it is just one more cowardly weakness - one more sign that I am not worthy of the life I am pointlessly clinging to.
    I just need the strength now to finish.
  2. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I feel we are quite similar, i can relate to a lot of what you have said in your post. Instead of living for a loved one why not try to live for yourself? I could be wrong but if you made a list as a child, you had dreams and hopes for your future. You wanted to live. As children we cant comprehend fully what is achievable and what isnt. Do you mind sharing some of the things on your list? and why you think you cant achieve them? As a child i wanted to either own my own pet shop or farm. I know work in an office.
    How are you a drain on society? How will your death be a logical solution?
    It doesnt take strength to end it, thats the easy part. I have recently been told that surviving will make you stronger. I hope you continue to post here if it helps. Like i said i have recently been in the same frame of mind as you.
    Are you on any kind of meds for how you are feeling or getting any help?
    Take care
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    I dreamed of love and marriage and children. I dreamed of having a family and making a difference in the world. I dreamed of mattering to someone and... it seems that those dreams were as unrealistic as a trip to another solar system.
    I told my doctor almost a year ago that I was suicidal and am still waiting for a referral. I am on no meds and there is nobody to talk to.
    The food and energy I use is a waste. It would be better consumed by someone worthy of it.
    I have no job, I contribute nothing of worth to the world. Nothing at all.
  4. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    Love, marriage and children are very achievable once you manage to sort your health out. Once you have your family you will have the last thing you wanted-to matter to some one, even though im sure you already matter to some one.
    The thing i find with a lot of doctors is if you dont keep bugging them they tend to forget about you or dont realise how serious the situation is.
    Have you only been once in a year? If so i would suggest going back and telling him how you feel, you could even tell him what you wrote here if you are comfortable doing so. You deserve to be heard.
    Every one contributes something in the world no matter how small and insignificant you think it may be.
    Do you have family or friends you can talk to? If not talk to people here. A lot of people are going through similar things. Please keep posting.
  5. BP#1

    BP#1 Well-Known Member

    Freya, we can change the course of life. If you smile at that unknown face walking down the street; they could have been depressed and you just made them feel good. Perhaps you spoke with someone that needed to hear someone talking to them. You make a difference weather you like it or not. Sometimes l believe we are here to do a job. Don't let Any of the things getting you down have the power. Tell it all to F@(k off. Refuse it... You have control. Don't be the victim anymore.. Besides, allot of us here grown to know and love you..... Your friend, Joseph.....