UndeddMonkey here, Dunno what to do now. Maybe read some things in the forums here or dare to taste a glass of what's in those bottles down in the basement of the old house. I suppose anything would be better than what I've always thought of as relief. I'm not into wine tasting though and I'm not much for drinking either. It's not like I don't have a cocktail sometimes before dinner but I think I wouldn't know how understand the basement. I've attempted suicide a number of times. I've since regarded professional advice as tripe (slowly). I've watched my siblings willfully kill themselves and witnessed close friends make the same decisions. Things have gotten far worse for me now. I always considered suicide cheating but I can't imagine a more torturous hell than what I experience. I'm not religious but I don't want the people who love me to have to suffer any more than they already do. I am not religious and I don't mind religion. I do keep a gun because I - I think I am going to need it at the end.