understandable

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by silent_chaos, Jun 16, 2016.

  1. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    I give up.
     
  2. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Please don't. I feel similarly. It's crap and it's hard and I understand. Keep going :)
     
  3. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    My mood swings are taking me for a ride. Im tired but it has the energy of an atomic bomb that is ready to let off. I feel helpless of trying to getting it under control on my own.
    Causing me to shut down and feeling hopeless. I feel angry. I think of all these horibble ways/ things to do to myself. I feel sad/pathetic. I just want to be numb. thats all just sitting here by myself. If I where to go out somewhere its a whole nother set of shit. Ive been house sitting for a couple of weeks and its getting to me. 200ish animals. I think im starting to hate animals. Well dogs mostly. She has 13 dogs wilth free range to go in and out as they please. Well I woke up to 8 shit piles. And 5 piss spots. Ive stepped in shit going to the bathroom and they pissed on my shoes twice. They bark and whine all night. I let them out of the den they find a place to shit and piss, then they find a nice comfy place and sleep all fucking day. I cant wait till sunday, when I get to go home. I know part of this is because im not taking all my meds. But I need the energy that my meds suppress to take care of all these animals. I hope I can make it till sunday. I would never do anything to an animals, I would save someone's animal if I could.
    I wish my friend would actually be home all day to see what her husband deals with all day. He hates the dogs. She breeds them, well when it gets down to the last puppy she feels bad for it, gets attached and keeps it. For fucks sake. there are 2 puppies with sale pending on 1. So that means shell probably keep the last one making it 14 dogs in her house. She hae a couple hundred birds. Breeder also. But never has time to separate the all raised up to sell them. So she keeps them and lets them breed, she has inbreeding problems but she wont listen to me. And I know thats what it is. Her floors a 6ish deep of bird food and poop. It hasnt been cleaned since I did it 5 years ago. She dosnt have time. All her water bottles have algea in them. I bleached them out last week cause I feel sorry for them. Not to do it as a favor to her. Her house isnt any better. I think I cant get over feeling so sick because of all this nasty property.
     
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Oh, that sounds icky alright. It's nice of you to have done this, but it'll be good for you when Sunday comes. that's a lot to take care of, especially cleaning up after so many and every day.

    Do you think things will look a little better after Sunday and you can get back on your meds? Maybe just try to do one day at a time, I know it seems like a lot. I get that overwhelming feeling easily - everything (even if they are small things relatively) can seem like huge things and just all add in to the crap.

    Pls try and hang in there, you can do it.
     
  5. silent_chaos

    silent_chaos Well-Known Member

    Im almost positive things will get better when I get to go home and take my meds like im supposed to. Ive house sat for her so many times before, but I dont remember it being like this. It use to be an major anxiety think to be away from home. Now that dosnt bother me. One of the puppies is being picked up tomorrow. And theres going to be one left. She cant even register these puppies cause it was a mom and son that bread from her last litter. Her poor husband. Hes in his 70s he dose all the work, but hes old fassion and is a tuff old man. She works part time at a regular job, but spends more hours shopping, for things she already has but cant find.
     
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Sounds like a difficult situation, and hopefully she'll get help and reduce the numbers of animals she has. I'm glad you are nearly done with the house sitting. :)