Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hache, Feb 14, 2014.

  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    So after 4 weeks of depression getting worse, days of suicidal thoughts, days of self harm, days unable to get out of bed or to move at all, predominately caused by living in isolation, yesterday I had my appointment with my CBT therapist.

    It was incredibly underwhelming :disturbed:

    Rather than help over this panic about how alone I am I was told that it is normal to not see anyone for days, it is normal to only have a social occasion with friends once every two weeks, that I should learn to live with my own company. In a nutshell that there is no pursuit of new friends but rather I should just change the way I think when I am lonely and isolated for long periods. I don't know what I expected, ok some parts make perfect sense, such as that I have very black and white thinking that is causing problems, that I worry about things that aren't in my control and should focus what is up to me. But reality is that is just not going to happen, going to buy a can of coke isn't going to relieve lonliness, it might give off some mild positivity through breaking the cycle once, maybe twice, but after that it isn't going to work any more.

    On top of that it is Valentine's Day, and the girl I fell for is with someone else and I am struggling to let go. We went on a couple of dates before christmas, the last night before christmas went great, holding hands, she kissed me on the cheek, we went home for christmas, came back and the first week I was struggling to get a date again, she had jetlag and was busy, by the middle of the second week she said she didn't want to go out with me right now, that she didn't want that right now, that wasn't enough for me to let go. The next week was my birthday night out where I told her how much I can't let go and want a chance, she said she didn't like me anymore, 2 days later on facebook it comes up that she is now in a relationship with this other guy. So I feel inadequate and as if I have fucked up. I am still struggling to let go because I got attached quickly and was strung along a little.

    So I live in isolation where if it wasn't for watching Breaking Bad I would have nothing to do. My studying has diminished, motivation gone.

    I am supposed to accept having no friends, or just seeing a friend of the course once every 2 weeks? That is normal is it? How am I ever going to fall in love if I do not meet people, if I do not get out? How am I supposed to accept going out once every 2 weeks when I am a student who only has lectures 2 days a week, and who is single. I do not believe this is the norm, and if it is I do not believe it is one of healthy minded people. I do not believe there is someone happy in similar circumstances to me, with no opportunity, no leads.
  2. AnnieK

    AnnieK Well-Known Member

    not sure why that therapist said it was normal. not that i want to imply that you are abnormal. i mean i totally get it. i spent january, most of it, in bed, unshowered, not answering the phone or mail and watching episodes of The Following, The X Files, Medium, and any zombie movie i could find.

    i meet people mostly in a 12 step program i go to. i used to be pretty social a few years ago. not so much in my 20's; people scared me and i was always afraid of getting rejected, getting my feelings hurt, plus i had the borderline tendencies then and people called me "crazy".

    plus valetine's day is such a trigger not just for us, but for lots of people. i've always hated this day. like waiting in high school for someone to send me a carnation or card, while i sit and watch the other girls get them, and i never got one. i still feel like that girl.

    there's nothing wrong with wanting friends, more people in your life. i just started going to a mental illness support group at my local NAMI chapter as well. and if i can get the courage up, i want to go back and take some classes. but that terrifies me. i haven't been in school in many many years.

    the best i can do right now, is i try to help people a little every day. mostly online of late since i have such a hard time getting out. it makes me feel better and gets me out of my head for a little while. sometimes only 5 minutes and then right back to black. wish i had a quick fix for all of us.

  3. unionfalls

    unionfalls Well-Known Member

    Hache, I may be wrong here but I am thinking that what the therapist meant was that it was normal for someone who has depression. Try to keep working with the therapist, it has taken me over a month to start and dig into any substance but it is definitely worth it. Last fall when I was in school I was able to completely isolate myself. I had to drop out for spring semester because things only got worse with my suicidal thoughts and depression. I hope you can reach out at your school has they can be helpful. I was to afraid to and that only made it worse. Also if there are any groups that you can join there, I know my school had a lot of special interest groups, like photography or walking club or whatever interests you. Maybe you can see if your school has any groups that share a similar interest with you as they are one of the better ways of being able to have a social life at school. My lectures did nothing for me as well as far as getting to know others. Wishing you well.