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Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by SarahB, Apr 16, 2012.

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  1. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    I'm posting this here because I'm not really sure what do do at this point.

    I've been in a relationship for a year now, we met online but we've seen each other in person quite a few times already. We're meeting again in June.
    Though there's been a lot of bad things that happened in our past, we're together and strong. But because of things that happened in the past, I feel like I may be scarred somehow.

    I have manic depression/bipolar disorder. I know I have those for a fact, I was diagnosed with them. But I constantly get paranoid, anxious, and just a whole other mess of terrible feelings. I get these periods where I'll freak out about something, and get into such a downward spiral of negative feelings, it makes me feel absolutely terrible. I'll talk badly about myself, assume all the worst, and get terrified of things. And I don't want to feel like that anymore. I get like that almost every day, whether people know it or not.

    The main issue is that because of past events, I get afraid of my boyfriend doing things behind my back. We don't live in the same house yet.
    a year ago, after a lot of drama, he promised me he wouldn't talk to his ex anymore. But sometimes I still get afraid that he does talk to her. He's told me time and time again that he doesn't, but it's something I can't know for sure, so it scares me, a lot, all the time. And I don't know what to do to make that fear go away and fully trust him. He did a lot wrong to me in the past, and I guess it kinda messed with me. I don't think he understands that.

    But it's not really just the relationship it affects. It's so much. I get afraid and worried about things I'm not sure of, what if someone is talking about me behind my back? Is something bad going to happen today? Things like that. I never feels safe and it tears me apart. I also get very scared whenever I see anything relating to his ex, because of how she wronged us in the past.

    I just want to feel safe with my boyfriend and not go through freak outs like that so often. I want it to stop and I don't know what to do.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sounds like you need to talk to a therapist to help you deal with your past issues and perhaps you and your bf can get couple therapy as well Work together to build a strong relationship Anixiety can be treated talk to your doctor maybe get help from meds but reach out and get some support okay hugs
  3. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much.

    I've talked to a lot of therapists in the past, and they just don't really work for me. Maybe they could work if both me and him talk to one, but I'll see. My boyfriend calmed me down a bit by showing me a bit of proof he wasn't talking to her. I feel a bit better currently. And I'd really like to get meds for my problems, because I really don't know what to do anymore, and that's kinda like my last hope is that meds will help me. I've been feeling a bit worse, unrelated to the BF issue as well. I feel like doing nothing but sleeping and when I wake up I just don't feel like doing anything.

    I came back here because I know there's a lot of kind people here would will talk to me if I need help. So I plan on doing that if I feel bad again. It tends to happen a lot. ^^; :hug:
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