unemotional

[Malcontent]

I'm seriously considering killimg myself, and I'm unemotional about it. I don't want anyone to worry, I'm not about to do it or anything. Though I do have it all planned, I'm not certain yet. I'm not upset though. I don't want to die because I'm alone, or cos I recently lost someone close to me, or even cos I'm quite physically ill. I just feel like the time is almost right for me to go. There's no emotion about any of these things actually, even though I know I should be upset. It's like I don't feel anything, except... exhaustion? That's not quite the right word but I can't think of any other. Usually when I'm suicidal I'm desperate and crying and full of pain, but I feel quite fine. I just want to kill myself. Maybe I've just pushed all my emotions so far away that I can no longer feel them but I'm still feeling the effects. Or maybe I have a deeper psychological problem than I thought. I feel quite lucid though. Dying makes so much sense. I'm not protecting anyone or making a plea for help or attention. I just long for the end. I'm well aware that I could be wrong and dying isn't the best thing to do, and if so I'm open to any help and support anyone wants to give me. But I still want to die.

 

[Terry]

And maybe Mal you're too depressed to feel :sad:

Have you been to the docs lately? Maybe some professional intervention is needed here. Please do go even if you don't want to, you sound seriously depressed.

 

[Malcontent]

I have been. They do nothing. Stick me on prozac which is doing nothing except make me zone out and tell me to get counselling which I can't afford for much longer. I've told the doc I'm suicidal and they ignore it. I think you're right Dev, I am seriously depressed

 

[claycad]

I feel like you. I've been on three medications, the current being Effexor. I have been going to therapy once a week for months now, and a psychiatrist every 6 weeks for evaluation. Those don't work either. I've considered the possibility that I have depression or some biological or psychological reason for not being happy, but I am starting to think that there is nothing wrong with me, that life isn't just for everyone.

I have it all planned out, but am still reluctant to go through with it, mainly because of my family - I know it would devastate them. I wouldn't say I am completely unemotional about it since I do take the feelings of my family into consideration, but I am also comforted by the idea that I can choose to end my life.

 

[gentlelady]

Mal hun, when we are that depresed our judgement often becomes quite clouded. And yes, you simply stop caring and feel nothing. I have something written that I will share with you sometime if you would like. It is about hanging on. Sometimes that is what gets me through the tough days. take care Mal. You are loved hun. :hug:

 

[Malcontent]

I don't know how much longer I can go on feeling like this. All I feel is the desire for it all to end. This has to end.

 

[Terry]

Damn Mal, can't say I'd be any help but if you just need an ear flag me on MSN..I can listen and am renowned for me common sense.

My MSN is in my profile:hug: :hug: :hug:

 

[Abacus21]

:hug: :hug: Mal ....

Hang in there mate

Here if you need to talk as you know

Take care of yourself matey! :hug:

Joe

 

[Sycotic_Sarah]

Aw Mal.. :hug:
Im really sorry you're feeling so down, i hope you dont do anything, and that those nasty feelings and thoughts shoo sometime soon!

Im always here for you if you need a huggle, or if you want to chat about anything.

Take care yourself!
:hug:
Sarah.
more hugs! :hug: :hug: :hug: :tongue: