Unhappy about my race and skin tone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by unhappysoul, May 26, 2013.

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  1. unhappysoul

    unhappysoul Member

    I'm a darkskinned Black woman and I have felt rejection my whole life. I don't feel as attractive as lightskinned and mixed women, and desperately have tried to lighten my skin to make myself more attractive for several years. Unfortunately, I've never gotten to the color I wanted to be. Before you tell me that darkskinned is beautiful, I've heard ppl feed me those lines before on the internet. It's just not true in the real world. Lighterskinned women always get more attention and the selection of better mates.

    I just want to end my life and put myself out of this misery. I dont want to live anymore if I cannot be light skinned. I just can't take it anymore. Everytime I look in the mirror I see ugliness and masculinity. I just don't like myself.
  2. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Almost ALL of the most desirable women in the world are shades of flawless brown skin. It's often not skin color that makes one less attractive to most people, but bone structure, hair type, clarity of the skin indicating health, and symmetry of the features in face and body. Basically, proportions have more weight than concentration of melanin in the skin.

    You say you hate your masculine features; maybe it's not the color of your skin, but the symmetry of your features that make you self conscious. Nothing but a series of expensive cosmetic surgeries can change your symmetry, but there are many men who are attracted to women with strong African features, so perhaps you should pay attention to them instead of looking in a barrel of men who aren't attracted anyway.
  3. unhappysoul

    unhappysoul Member

    the symmetry of my features is due to my race. i dont have lightskin, light eyes or naturally straight hair. its not in my DNA to produce this. and i feel shunned and outcasted by society because of my darkskin and african features. i dont want to live anymore.
  4. flowerpot

    flowerpot Well-Known Member

    I am sorry you feel that way. Skin is just skin to me, no matter the colour. But I think it's very easy for a light skinned person to say that because it's quite rare for it to be an issue in their life.

    Perhaps you could try surrounding yourself with friends & family who don't care about your skin colour? Lots of people don't care. I remember in one of my old jobs I always felt the need to be nicer to people of different races, particularly those with dark skin. But then I thought 'wouldn't they prefer I just treated them equally?'

    If it makes you feel any better, there are hundreds of light skinned females who get overlooked by males too.
  5. unhappysoul

    unhappysoul Member

    I dont have any friends or family that truly care about me. I feel ignored and unappreciated because my family has a preference for lightskinned people
  6. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Do you know for certain that is what your family thinks? Have you considered communicating any of this with them? They could be a decent support network.
  7. roksy

    roksy Well-Known Member

    I have been going through the same thing recently. I am non-binary gender which means I don't identify as male or female, and as I have been getting more comfortable with makeup and girly things I realized that I don't like the color of my skin. I am of middle eastern dissent so I have a bronzy complexion but I still feel that whiter women are more attractive than me. I didn't feel too good about it.

    Your story resonated a lot with me. I still am not sure if I will be able to deal with it. In the past what has helped is seeing beautiful women like me. I am short for instance and a little stocky but I saw a women on the TV that was so attractive and I started liking my figure. Maybe we can do things to appreciate how we look. For instance my dad is short too and he keeps boosting his ego by comparing himself with the might of Napoleon who he says is short. His role models have a short stature to make himself more comfortable with his height.

    What do you think about finding someone with the same characteristics as you and feeling comfortable about yourself as they are?

    Keep us posted and I will keep you posted about how things go for me. BTW my brother loves black people.
  8. unhappysoul

    unhappysoul Member

    I've brought this up to my mother before and she became angry and we argued. So discussing it again, will cause strife.
  9. unhappysoul

    unhappysoul Member

    I did this for awhile and it worked briefly. I would save photos of beautiful darkskinned women in my desktop to make myself feel better. It raised my self esteem a *little*, but then it would plummet because once I was out of the cyberworld and back into the real world, I noticed my peers would always compliment lighterskinned girls as being 'pretty'. Or my family would dote on how great a lightskinned relative of mine looked. I started to sink into a depression again and began to have suicidal thoughts.
  10. roksy

    roksy Well-Known Member

    I understand. I am still beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin and I hope that I will deal with it well. How about make up? Does it help. Maybe something that complements your complexion and eye color?
  11. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I'm fairly confident I may say something you might not like.

    The tone and color of someone's skin is not what makes a person who they are. It's how they interact with others, which cultivates the relationships (whether its friendships, family, romantic, work colleague or acquaintance) that they then build on through.

    Rejection will knock self esteem - It's how you react to the rejection that determines what you choose to do next.

    When our peers compliment others, does that give us a right to react inwardly to it? It doesn't involve us, so it's technically none of our business - we just like to make it so because it's not going 'our way'. And when our relatives, compliment another relative, again, it's not involving us.

    I have personally experienced many facets of rejection too - and I'm a white male - just to be on a couple of 'opposite ends' to the spectrum of which you identify yourself to be.
  12. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    There isn't really anything you can do but become a better person, be number one in everything you do, stay fit, smile often, and groom yourself very well. It'll improve your attitude about yourself, and that's what will be most attractive because you wouldn't be some weak person easily felt inferior to or intimidated by others.
  13. unhappysoul

    unhappysoul Member

    I do wear makeup, but it won't change my skin tone. I really desire to be a color that most men find attractive. You notice how most of the black women on TV are light complected? Well, where I'm from(and it's like this all over the world), a lot of guys prefer fairskinned African american girls. And both men and women find them more attractive than darker skinned girls like me. Even other black girls would rather socialize and associate themselves with lightskinned women.

    I find myself very depressed in social environments when I see this blatant preference. As a result I become very moody and withdrawn, and eventually I begin to have self destructive and suicidal thoughts. It has affected my employment and ability to concentrate in college.
  14. roksy

    roksy Well-Known Member

    Hi unhappy,

    You said: "I really desire to be a color that most men find attractive." As I mentioned my brother loves black people and he doesn't care how black a person is. What if the issue is not with your skin color but with the attraction. I am sure there is someone out there who finds you attractive.

    I really can't imagine how a person who is more black than someone else can't be attractive. I am sure you are and you will find a person who appreciates you for it.

    It also seems that social situations are not that comfortable for you, maybe you need to look within to feel more comfortable.
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