Unintentionally Triggered *Warning - May Trigger*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by RainbowChaser, Apr 18, 2007.

  1. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    I went past the place where I'm meant to be doing 'Race For Life' this year, and got some awful flashbacks.

    It shouldn't be so bad. It wasn't the place where it happened. We were there before it happened - we got in his car, went to another park and then it happened. So why does just walking past the first park make me feel so bad?

    I shouldn't feel so bad - I didn't fight it, I let it happen. I let it happen, cos I didn't want to lose my only chance of being loved. I stayed with him for 13 months after that, because I didn't want to let go of that chance. I did things I never thought I would do (or at least, not so soon), just to keep him happy. I woke up so many weekends after nightmares of what had happened, only to look into the face of the person who'd done it. He doesn't know that, I bet he never will.

    I'm a slut. Just a stupid ungrateful slut. His friends were right - I didn't deserve him, I was never good enough for him. I shouldn't be complaining that he felt me up like that, or about what he said to me, both were more than I deserved. He was more than I deserved.

    I'm just a slut, and everyone can see it. That's why I'm being treated like this by guys now, isn't it? Because they know, they know I'm far too easy. Say you care, and that's it. That's how life's gonna be now, isn't it? I'm a stupid fat ugly slut, that's all I'll ever be, and that's all I'll ever be good for.
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    If flashbacks are going to trouble you, have you heard of and tried the grounding technique?

    :hug: I disagree with a lot of what you say, but me saying that and then explaining it, won't make any difference unless you are ready to believe it yourself. If I did explain why, you would probably find reasons why you are right (however irrational they might be) and that could make things worse. (I actually said almost exactly the same to someone else yesterday, but she agreed that it was true).

    Hang in there
  3. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    I think I've heard of it. My main problem regarding the flashbacks is the issue of if they happen half way through the race - I'd probably have to quit the race and wouldn't be able to get any money together for it. And how would I explain why I didn't finish it to a bunch of people who think I'm too fat to finish it anyway?

    I dunno, maybe I should just quit while I'm still ahead.
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Why not run/go past that part everyday, whilst practicing the grounding technique, so by the time it comes to the race you will be used to doing it and you will be used to the area, and hopefully the grounding technique will keep you in the present.
  5. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    I guess. I go past there once a week, and I've got till June 17th to get it working, that should do it I guess. Thanks :hug:
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    :hug: You'll get there honey.

    Keep fighting.
  7. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    :hug: :hug: Sammie :hug: :hug: