Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by liferules74, Jan 9, 2012.

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  1. liferules74

    liferules74 Member

    I've struggled with depression for years and have survived several suicide attempts. Through therapy and medication I am doing a lot better. I do have a psychiatrist and respond very well to a low dose of antidepressants. I've been through a miserable divorce directly related to my suicide attempts and due to a very unhealthy relationship. I'm doing better than I ever have at work. I am happy when I work... I do have a hobby but I do sometimes worry that it's an escape from reality. However I do switch it up from time to time so I'm not sure it is an escape.

    The issue is that ever since I got through the most traumatic part of my life I just don't care anymore. Things that used to bring me joy and excitement when I was younger just plain don't matter to me. Holidays, movies, vacations, taking walks, and even the relationship I am in just don't interest me. I would like to say that I think I am depressed and therefore I should contact my doctor to get my meds adjusted. However, my life is going just fine right now. In fact I am coping better and doing better than I ever had. I don't really care or have interest in doing anything about it.

    I find myself not really caring about saving money for my future or caring where we go out to eat. It's really kind of weird. I thought this was a phase but I've been like this for a couple of years.

    I do have moments where I care and get excited about things but it doesn't happen very often.

    I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this while they are feeling better from their antidepressants.

    It's almost like everything I've done has taken away a part of me to the point where my innocence is gone. I feel kind of "broken"

    Wow it's kind of sad when I put it that way :(

    I like to see things in a positive light so I'm going to say. I'm glad to be alive :)
  2. Tmacster1

    Tmacster1 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for sharing liferules74. I have a similar background with a troubled childhood. I had a few major traumatic events that shaped who I am today. I don't really care to much about what happens to myself... But, I do try to work towards the future of my life. I've stayed alive because of my father mostly, because I could never have him suffer another loss again.

    It's good that your trying to look towards a positive light. I'm happy your alive to. I may not know you in real life, but I can definitely related to depression and suicide. So far, I've never physically attempted to commit suicide. But I still have thoughts that want me to do it. I tend to blame myself for what happened even though I know it wasn't my fault.
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