Univercity will start and anxiety will rise up!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by life, Sep 27, 2007.

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  1. life

    life Well-Known Member

    Now there is another problem.Besides all of my depression;my personality disorder now anxiety will start....My heart pumps;i amm obsssed with ^am i walking right ;are people looking at me;shall i put my hand here or shall i do this;shall i speak;what shall i say; etc etc...I am very tired of these feelings ..I cant act normal;i feel like as if i have to leave that place..i am always at home i feel like i am in a prison!....WTF? ...I cant act normal while i am ina social situation;i always tell my self ;please be ur self;everyone want look at u or laugh at u;but i cant hellp ot...I just cant...:( . . .i am totaly isolated and in pain...Tell me how can i go on ? tell me why life is shit like this? I am very tired of everything;i cry every single day....psychiatrist is a waste of money;talk talk talk;until where? its all in my mind! Its all this mind..I wish i could just cut my head off! ...I dont wanna think anymore...i just dont wanna think! i am wasted;i feel deeply hurt....My borther;always forces me;;i cant hep it!i cant do it! i wanna dieeeeeee
     
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    the only way i can see out of this (that's working for me) is tyring as much as possible to shift my focus away from me (a small speck of dust in the universe, so to speak), and focus on other students. I walk right toward my fears and hang around other students and even talk to them, until i forget myself. i become interested in others and find out that they were also nervous JUST LIKE ME. you are not alone. experience is the best teacher on this one.
    you will find out your brother was right (its all in your head) ONLY through experience of interraction, and not isolation. prove it for yourself. good luck.
    remember everyone is worried about themselves and no one else(their public image) even including you.
     
  3. life

    life Well-Known Member

    I cant communicate with people....it makes me mentally not be able to focus....i dont even understand what other people say;do ....i just feel that !fuck sake !:sad:
     
  4. IKnowIt'sOver

    IKnowIt'sOver Member

    Hey Life, I am in a similar situation to you in that I am also at University (I started this year) at first i tried to fit in and do what everyone else did hoping that somehow it might make me happy but it hasn't worked and now because i am boring and quiet, never knowing what to say the people i met have rejected me and all go off together leaving me on my own. I have only ever had a few friends at any one time and now i have none. I went to York Uni last year but dropped out after a suicide attempt andthis year I thought it might be different at Nottingham but it is worse because my social skills have become even worse and I have no hope left of ever finding a way to be happy, i have always told myself that next time maybe it would be different e.g. new school, new house, new uni but it hasn't worked. In fact the only thing that prevents me from getting out is that i am also a terrible coward and as guns are hard to come by in the Uk unless you are asoldier or something i can't see a painless or foolproof option. i don't want to wake up a cripple who is too damaged to try again. So although I have no intention of killing myself right this moment it is always at the back of my mind. I would be interested to learn what subject you are studying at uni and also if you like me have always been lonely and sad or if you became that way after a traumatic event or something.
     
  5. Aegis2003

    Aegis2003 Active Member

    Hello guys. I understand u both perfectly, I am in the same situation. I used to be very sociable, funny, talkative etc, but following some problems I have had, ended up being lonelly, quite and boring. I hate it, because I have tasted what it is like at the other side, and I loved it, but I just can´t be there anymore, and I am more and more isolated. I have already tried to start university twice, but I just couldn`t hang around with other people, I stayed lonely and I couldn´t bear it so I quit. Now I am going for my third attempt, this time in a distance university, where you have no classes except some guardianships. Let´s see if I can make it this time but I am very hopeless I see no solution at all. I´m with u guys. Take care.
     
  6. Aegis2003

    Aegis2003 Active Member

    Suicide is always at the back of my mind too. I am just to coward to attempt. What do u guys study? I study Science Politics.
     
  7. IKnowIt'sOver

    IKnowIt'sOver Member

    I Study History (Single Hons) at Nottingham but on my first attempt at York i studied Chemistry
     
  8. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I went through my last two years of high school and all four years of college not socializing with anyone. Especially during my last two years of college, after having transferred from a small community college to a large UC, I literally talked to no one but my roommate and met 0 new people.
     
  9. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Elo life, try not to stress over it too much. I've been there, that feeling that no matter where you are as long as other people are around they're staring at you, how stupid your arms look just hanging at your sides, how putting your hands in your pockets might make other people think you're trying to be cool when you're not, clumsy, broken and awkward conversations to the point that you're afraid to talk to people at all for fear of making them think you're even more of a loser than they already must. I won't bore you with my story but I'll tell you that it's all about the effort you make. People will tell you oh it's not always that easy, oh not everyone's as attractive as so and so, oh I was never liked so I don't have the social skills to make friends, and on and on it goes. The only way to develope skills is to practice them and sometimes that means busting your ass, being nervous as hell and pulling courage from god knows where to figure out what it is that works for you. Just be cool man, don't worry so much about what other people think about you, everyone's not gonna like you, no one's liked by everyone but if you just relax and be positive people will respond to that. I don't know if that helps you any but I hope it does.
     
  10. I'm in a similar situation. I have a few very distant friends here at unviersity. I live in a house with 5 other people... they try to make small talk with me but it doesn't go anywhere cause I don't have much to say. I come across as normal and cool but have NOTHING to say. :(

    I spend almost every waking hour I'm not in class on the computer :(

    so lonely inside
     
  11. Hatemylife88

    Hatemylife88 Well-Known Member

    I have the same feelings, im just tired to say anything. i love being home alone, but in the school everything starts again, i dont know what to do i dont even care anymore
     
  12. junmae

    junmae Member

    same here bro...same here. I went to a small community college for two years and dropped out with 57 credits because I couldn't handle it anymore. I used to feel too nervous in class and walking to classes. Even when I drive, i feel so uncomfortable like people are looking at me weird. I got a lot more symptoms too but lazy to explain them at the moment. Hope you get better bro, I know I will be free soon
     
  13. elliebelle

    elliebelle Active Member

    I take online classes to avoid that. It makes it easier to concentrate on the schoolwork itself. Its always good to get out and do other things of course and not hide away (advice I don't always follow) but it at least gives you the opportunity to get an education I've found.
     
  14. Ripx

    Ripx Well-Known Member

    im exactly like that with people. they try to talk to me but i say nothing. i wonder what goes through ppls minds when that happens. "is this guy braindead?"
     
  15. silverstrand

    silverstrand Active Member

    'Cos of social phobia I have never been able to finish University - ok maybe I was dumb as well. Anyway, I left, started a little business & now earn twice more than my old graduated "friends". Also, I am my own boss & don't have too meet people. Phobia still sucks though. :wink:

    So I figure, it is worth exploring possibilities
     
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