University seems just like fucking high school, but in a different and bigger place. I don't fit in at my dorm, with my roomate. Sure I stay up late and smoke all night, but I've not been paired with another video gaming depressive, rather an out all night partyer and it couldn't be a worse mix. I just want to go to classes, smoke weed, and chill in my room. Feels like all anybody wants to do is get fucked up and go to keggers, which aren't my scene. Drinking isn't even my scene at all. And as I walked up the steps to my room and looked out the windows of the lounge on my floor, all I thought about was the seasons changing and going to fall, then winter, and imagining if I was going to do the same bullshit routine with my depression. Feels like I should be happy and have energy. But I'm tired and sleepy and unenthusiastic about everything. It was cool the first couple of hours, but I wish I was in my own bed, by myself, not surrounded by these fucking dumbass partiers. I don't fit in. I don't know why. I can be nice, social, and outgoing but I just don't have the energy to try. To care. I feel like I should be six feet under right now or something. I feel like I'm just way too much of an anchor for anybody to hold. I read my old journal and it seems like a fucked up look into some shitty gay dumbasses life, and then I realize I actually wrote that and feel like it would be a benifit to just fucking die or disappear, blend into the crowd, fade and just... go. I wish I could sleep for a couple days... Yeah, I feel I need that.