University just feels like high school

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mat Voleido, Sep 7, 2010.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Mat Voleido

    Mat Voleido Well-Known Member

    University seems just like fucking high school, but in a different and bigger place.

    I don't fit in at my dorm, with my roomate. Sure I stay up late and smoke all night, but I've not been paired with another video gaming depressive, rather an out all night partyer and it couldn't be a worse mix.

    I just want to go to classes, smoke weed, and chill in my room. Feels like all anybody wants to do is get fucked up and go to keggers, which aren't my scene. Drinking isn't even my scene at all.

    And as I walked up the steps to my room and looked out the windows of the lounge on my floor, all I thought about was the seasons changing and going to fall, then winter, and imagining if I was going to do the same bullshit routine with my depression.

    Feels like I should be happy and have energy. But I'm tired and sleepy and unenthusiastic about everything. It was cool the first couple of hours, but I wish I was in my own bed, by myself, not surrounded by these fucking dumbass partiers. I don't fit in.

    I don't know why. I can be nice, social, and outgoing but I just don't have the energy to try. To care. I feel like I should be six feet under right now or something. I feel like I'm just way too much of an anchor for anybody to hold. I read my old journal and it seems like a fucked up look into some shitty gay dumbasses life, and then I realize I actually wrote that and feel like it would be a benifit to just fucking die or disappear, blend into the crowd, fade and just... go.

    I wish I could sleep for a couple days... Yeah, I feel I need that.
  2. poison

    poison Well-Known Member

    this sounds like a textbook case of clinical depression but i'm no psychiatrist. you could benefit from visiting a therapist, getting medication, etc.

    i know what it's like to be an introvert. i too am one and i lament it with every ounce of my being. it is disheartening to watch everyone else want to go out when you just want things relaxed and quiet.
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I felt similar, although I didn't stay in a dorm, I know what you're describing.

    After a few weeks the party talk got old, and I could see people were trying very hard to be 'in' and weren't all that happy, whereas I was not exactly happy, but content- doing my own thing.

    If doing what you do is keeping you going: you don't need to be social.

    I couldn't stand the majority of people around me who were all about getting trashed, going to a club every day/blah blah blah and I felt isolated like yourself and it effected how I felt for a while.
    How long have you been there?

    Sleeping is good. :smile:
  4. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Might I suggest looking into a few of the campus clubs?

    My college had a large selection of clubs including 'gamers' clubs and the like.
    If you feel like you need to be social- or you want to find some kind of companionship, I guarantee you that you are not the only person who sits in their dorm room smoking and playing games. You just haven't found them yet because you're also in your room smoking.

    You don't have to go out to parties if that isn't your thing.
    Instead though, you can find people with common interests and hang out in a club room with others-- or invite a couple of club members whom you feel you can chill with over to your room and hang out.

    You could also stay in your room and continue whatever you feel like doing. That's fine too!
    There aren't REALLY any social obligations if what's being offered is not something you feel like doing.
    You're an adult now and can decide what you want to do-- so go with or against the general flow; it doesn't matter.

    You just have to be a bit proactive and reach out. < at your own pace, of course.
    College and University are NOT highschool. Now is your chance to do something different and make your own decisions.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.