So just a few hours ago, I was very close to committing suicide but my parents ended up calling the police.
So i sat there, at home, with 2 officers. I talked to them for some time until the doctor came (almost 2 hours later)
The conversation with the psychiatrist was pretty bad but he didnt force me into a psych ward so im lying in my bed now.
But the important part is, before leaving, one of the officers spoke to me and said, that he was in college until he was 30, stayed home because he was afraid of leaving his mom to his abusive dad...
And i feel like im on a turning point right now...
I want to study, law is the most interesting subject...
But i just cant handle the anxiety, im not sure if its only now due to my depression...
But if it keeps going like that I have to quit...
And Ive honestly thought about becoming a police officer...
Im just not sure if someone like me is able to become one at all...
And i somehow think, even though i know that it isnt true, that not going to university is... bad... unprestigious...
Id be the only one I know, who hasnt got a degree and a highly respected job....
And that i would hate myself afterwards for not becoming like my peers from highschool (doctors, engineers, lawyers etc.)
I honestly think that im being an elitist but i dont know how to turn off that way of thinking... i want to go down a path that i perhaps also hate? I dont know...
And in the end... i dont know if doing that change would get rid of the depression at all...
I just cant trust myself because sometimes i feel so bad and hopeless...
So i sat there, at home, with 2 officers. I talked to them for some time until the doctor came (almost 2 hours later)
The conversation with the psychiatrist was pretty bad but he didnt force me into a psych ward so im lying in my bed now.
But the important part is, before leaving, one of the officers spoke to me and said, that he was in college until he was 30, stayed home because he was afraid of leaving his mom to his abusive dad...
And i feel like im on a turning point right now...
I want to study, law is the most interesting subject...
But i just cant handle the anxiety, im not sure if its only now due to my depression...
But if it keeps going like that I have to quit...
And Ive honestly thought about becoming a police officer...
Im just not sure if someone like me is able to become one at all...
And i somehow think, even though i know that it isnt true, that not going to university is... bad... unprestigious...
Id be the only one I know, who hasnt got a degree and a highly respected job....
And that i would hate myself afterwards for not becoming like my peers from highschool (doctors, engineers, lawyers etc.)
I honestly think that im being an elitist but i dont know how to turn off that way of thinking... i want to go down a path that i perhaps also hate? I dont know...
And in the end... i dont know if doing that change would get rid of the depression at all...
I just cant trust myself because sometimes i feel so bad and hopeless...