Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Fuzzy Monkey, Oct 14, 2008.

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  1. Fuzzy Monkey

    Fuzzy Monkey Well-Known Member

    its almost 2am here and I can't fall back asleep. My brother came in the house with 2 of his friends at 12am my dad went completely pysco as he was drunk off his ass. He started yelling and bitching bout how he owns the house and that mom bro and I shouldn't even be here, life is a living hell right now and all I can think of is slicing myself up and swallowing a bottle of codine, just to eaz the pain. Earlier today my dad had hit me, left his handprint down my face. I immediatly grabed the knief and started slicing away. I have my baby kitten here and she's what ive been holding onto. I want to escape this life, I mentioned to someone today about going to Chicago to get raped and killed he told me that he cared about me and wouldnt want that to happen to me, does he really care or is he just being sincere? I got the phrase "ditch the bitch" stuck in my head right now, I'm the bitch and somehow I need to ditch myself, I feel so unloved and abandoned ive got no one to turn to no one to hold me and tell me everything will be ok, I beg for someone at school to just reach out and save me, but no one will I'm the freak the one labeled ED- emotionally disturbed. Teachers see That and kno not to speak to me. I just want someone to listen. When I wasn't ready to get help they were all there now that I'm ready to get help I'm all alone. Just ditch the bitch.
  2. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    oh sweetheart u sound so lonely, but many people surely loves you. Your brother may get drunk but he surely loves you and cares for you, also your mother must be stressed by this whole stuation, have u ever tried to talk to her about how u feel?
  3. Hey you need a hug :hug:
    I care... and I am not just being sincere, maybe a little bit but I read your thread and I can relate to you.. I understand about getting help then not getting help.
    I am here if you need to talk.
  4. Fuzzy Monkey

    Fuzzy Monkey Well-Known Member

    my dad got drunk not my brother lol, and no i dont tell anyone how i feel
  5. i had one person once who always tried making me spill on why i cut, or why i hate my life...never once have i said a word...but the moment i tried, she got busier and busier, then one day poof she disappeared, now i just wish i didnt get too attached...

    i also gave up on telling people how i feel...
    now i just started a journal and it has helped a bit...ever thought about writing it all down?
  6. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    wrtting is a good way to release all the feelings inside, but definately u should try to talk with someone in your family, it will be hard but it will feel good to release your pain.
  7. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    It sounds like your friend really does care about you. You should talk to him, or write down your feelings if you can't talk to him. :smile:

    I can definately relate. To get yelled at by your parents. To want to kill the pain so much, that you hurt yourself and want to talk pills. If you ever need to talk about anything, I'm always willing to listen. :hug:
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