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unlucky and annoyed

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by black_rose_99, Mar 16, 2011.

  1. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    I just don't get why the universe is out to torment me. Things start to look up and plans get put in place and then someone goes against what we talked about and I'm left wondering what the hell I do now (at the same time as remembering the times I've been abandoned in foreign countries before).

    So you might remember I was evicted from my house and had to move, which I did. Am living in the new place, which is good but not great. There are pros and there are cons. Then an old aquaintance contacted me and we decided we would look into finding a place together. Great, we wanted the same things, same areas, we'd look into it - although admittedly she would be doing most of the legwork due to her not yet having a job, and me not having any available time to take off work right now.

    But then she text me today to say she's found somewhere, and there's a room coming up in a month or so. My initial reaction was WTF, because a) it wasn't run by me, and b) because it wasn't two rooms that were up for rent now. So I delayed my response, and contacted her later in the day to ask her more. Like, whether the other room definitely was going to be available, and whether it would be put up for advert or whether it was assumed I was just going to take it. Cue text conversation where she informs me that although she mentioned me, the room is pretty much open to anyone, and that there's no guarantee I would get it. So now, I just feel lost. It's not a desperate or dire situation as I do have somewhere to live, it's just that something I thought was happening is now not and I'm not sure where I stand. As I have to give my current place 28 days notice, should I be doing that now - because if the other room isn't guaranteed to be mine, then I don't want to risk not having anywhere. But if it is guaranteed to be mine, then I don't want to overlap rent in both places - I just can't afford that.

    I'm trying really hard not to instantly turn around and hate her, but this is what happens - some perceived slight towards me, something as simple as her finding a house that doesn't include me makes me feel abandoned, rejected and not good enough. I KNOW that's not rational, but the feeling is already in my stomach and niggling at my brain and I can't turn it off. I WANT to yell at her and never talk to her again, but I also know that's not a wise move as I need all the friends I can get.

    I just want everything to fall into place - I've looked and looked and looked at places, but nothing is in my price range, or near enough to public transport, or simply just doesn't compare to my old place. Yes I have high standards, but if I'm going to be living there for the next year or so, I want it to be good and not be unhappy and stuck somewhere I hate or be forced to move again. I'm trying to think of the things I can compromise on.

    Haha just text her "Oh no I'm not mad, I understand why you did it" LIES. I AM mad. I just don't have a REASON to be mad. It's not RATIONAL that I'm mad.

    When will things go RIGHT. Whatever will be will be and all that jazz, but I'm just so tired of trying.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope all goes well and you do get the room it must be so very hard for you not knowing for sure I would be a little berated myself hugs to you
  3. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    Thanks TE. I'm just so tired of trying. I'm tired of looking, I'm tired of thinking about it, I'm tired of the decisions going around and around in my head without any clear conclusion. I'm frustrated by it all, I'm sick of things not going my way, just for once, FOR ONCE I want things to work out like they were meant to. :blub:
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun i know dam it eh why can't people just be more caring and understand stress you are under. I hope you get some rest okay try talking to this friend again let know how impt it is for you to get the room let me know how it goes okay try not to stress over it. You just spend some time on you okay 10min even just take warm bath listen to music and breath slowly what will be will be right i do hope it works out well hugs to you
  5. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    I can't do it. I'm too tired. It's all too much, too frustrating.

    I did tell her that I was happy for her but that I wasn't sure now where I stood. She said she'll know more after she officially moves in, so I just have to sit tight and wait. The problem is that I was in talks with others to move as well (strangers via some team up websites) and now I don't know what to say to them either. I'm trying to please everyone else, but also trying to please myself, and I'm not succeeding in any of it.

    I'm just tired of everything.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    perhaps the other people will come thru for you and you will even be happier i hope so hugs