I just don't get why the universe is out to torment me. Things start to look up and plans get put in place and then someone goes against what we talked about and I'm left wondering what the hell I do now (at the same time as remembering the times I've been abandoned in foreign countries before).
So you might remember I was evicted from my house and had to move, which I did. Am living in the new place, which is good but not great. There are pros and there are cons. Then an old aquaintance contacted me and we decided we would look into finding a place together. Great, we wanted the same things, same areas, we'd look into it - although admittedly she would be doing most of the legwork due to her not yet having a job, and me not having any available time to take off work right now.
But then she text me today to say she's found somewhere, and there's a room coming up in a month or so. My initial reaction was WTF, because a) it wasn't run by me, and b) because it wasn't two rooms that were up for rent now. So I delayed my response, and contacted her later in the day to ask her more. Like, whether the other room definitely was going to be available, and whether it would be put up for advert or whether it was assumed I was just going to take it. Cue text conversation where she informs me that although she mentioned me, the room is pretty much open to anyone, and that there's no guarantee I would get it. So now, I just feel lost. It's not a desperate or dire situation as I do have somewhere to live, it's just that something I thought was happening is now not and I'm not sure where I stand. As I have to give my current place 28 days notice, should I be doing that now - because if the other room isn't guaranteed to be mine, then I don't want to risk not having anywhere. But if it is guaranteed to be mine, then I don't want to overlap rent in both places - I just can't afford that.
I'm trying really hard not to instantly turn around and hate her, but this is what happens - some perceived slight towards me, something as simple as her finding a house that doesn't include me makes me feel abandoned, rejected and not good enough. I KNOW that's not rational, but the feeling is already in my stomach and niggling at my brain and I can't turn it off. I WANT to yell at her and never talk to her again, but I also know that's not a wise move as I need all the friends I can get.
I just want everything to fall into place - I've looked and looked and looked at places, but nothing is in my price range, or near enough to public transport, or simply just doesn't compare to my old place. Yes I have high standards, but if I'm going to be living there for the next year or so, I want it to be good and not be unhappy and stuck somewhere I hate or be forced to move again. I'm trying to think of the things I can compromise on.
Haha just text her "Oh no I'm not mad, I understand why you did it" LIES. I AM mad. I just don't have a REASON to be mad. It's not RATIONAL that I'm mad.
When will things go RIGHT. Whatever will be will be and all that jazz, but I'm just so tired of trying.
So you might remember I was evicted from my house and had to move, which I did. Am living in the new place, which is good but not great. There are pros and there are cons. Then an old aquaintance contacted me and we decided we would look into finding a place together. Great, we wanted the same things, same areas, we'd look into it - although admittedly she would be doing most of the legwork due to her not yet having a job, and me not having any available time to take off work right now.
But then she text me today to say she's found somewhere, and there's a room coming up in a month or so. My initial reaction was WTF, because a) it wasn't run by me, and b) because it wasn't two rooms that were up for rent now. So I delayed my response, and contacted her later in the day to ask her more. Like, whether the other room definitely was going to be available, and whether it would be put up for advert or whether it was assumed I was just going to take it. Cue text conversation where she informs me that although she mentioned me, the room is pretty much open to anyone, and that there's no guarantee I would get it. So now, I just feel lost. It's not a desperate or dire situation as I do have somewhere to live, it's just that something I thought was happening is now not and I'm not sure where I stand. As I have to give my current place 28 days notice, should I be doing that now - because if the other room isn't guaranteed to be mine, then I don't want to risk not having anywhere. But if it is guaranteed to be mine, then I don't want to overlap rent in both places - I just can't afford that.
I'm trying really hard not to instantly turn around and hate her, but this is what happens - some perceived slight towards me, something as simple as her finding a house that doesn't include me makes me feel abandoned, rejected and not good enough. I KNOW that's not rational, but the feeling is already in my stomach and niggling at my brain and I can't turn it off. I WANT to yell at her and never talk to her again, but I also know that's not a wise move as I need all the friends I can get.
I just want everything to fall into place - I've looked and looked and looked at places, but nothing is in my price range, or near enough to public transport, or simply just doesn't compare to my old place. Yes I have high standards, but if I'm going to be living there for the next year or so, I want it to be good and not be unhappy and stuck somewhere I hate or be forced to move again. I'm trying to think of the things I can compromise on.
Haha just text her "Oh no I'm not mad, I understand why you did it" LIES. I AM mad. I just don't have a REASON to be mad. It's not RATIONAL that I'm mad.
When will things go RIGHT. Whatever will be will be and all that jazz, but I'm just so tired of trying.
