I feel like at any moment I am going to be revealed to the people in my life to be the true me, not the me they all see. I am scared all the time about the truth getting out. I will be such a shame on my family. It is getting harder and harder to keep the mask on. I literally feel as if I am ripping at my own skin. The disapointment I feel every morning when I wake up and find myself still alive is getting to be too much to take. I have stopped taking all my Lupus medication, I am hoping that that will help to ravage my body and make death come sooner. I am scared to kill myself but I am more scared to keep on living this life I have that is one big lie. I won't ask you all for help, because I am helpless and not worth saving.