I joined this forum earlier this year when my best friend died. I was having a hard time with that but I found support here. Thanks guys. Since I was last active here my girl and I split up... It was tough but I managed to keep it together. We broke up right before the summer break so we were going to be apart anyway but now we are back at school and I see her every day. We are still best friends... We just can't date because she likes girls and wants to pursue that. I am so supportive of her endeavor but it eats at me. But still her sexual preference isn't what bothers me it is that I have lost the one person I feel I can talk to. So I have been bottling everything up for a few months now and it is starting to come undone. blah. I have started cutting myself and kinda flirting with hanging, but not really too close to anything serious. What really gets to me and makes me feel insane is seeing my suicide over and over in different ways. I spend hours every day visualizing my death. I am constantly thinking about it. idek. I just keep chugging along. surviving.