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Unrequited feelings for someone

EllieMay

Well-Known Member
#1
I have had unrequited feelings for someone who valued me as a friend but found someone else. I have had to cease contact as too painful. Every time I think about it I feel a pain in my chest and this immense sadness and loss also for a lost friendship.. He would have loved to stay friends but I have had to let go, I just cannot do it. It has also triggered past losses and painful memories and trying to get through a dark time in my life. Can anyone relate? It would be so good to hear others stories as the loneliness and loss gets unbearable each day...thanks Ellie.
 

Optimistic Goatman

The woolly enigmatic one
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#3
Well, when i was around 17, i fell head over heels in love with a young American woman i met through Call of Duty of all things. We'd spend hours talking most days, and over the next year or so, we got to know each other so personally. And it gradually reached a point where i started to develop feelings for her. Eventually i admitted how i felt to her, and she told me she felt the same, but that the distance would be too much for her to work past (I live in the UK). As a result she cut all contact with me because it was too painful and never spoke to me again. It took me a long time to recover from it, i spent years daydreaming about her showing up on my doorstep and sometimes just needed to sit and cry for a couple of hours over it. But over the years i saw through occasionally checking on her Facebook that she got married and had a daughter, and i slowly became more and more just happy for her, to the point i'm at now where some part of me still feels a little sad when i think of her, but i'm mainly moved on now, keeping my eyes up for the guy who's right for me, and i'm glad her life is going well.

So maybe not necessarily my own tale of unrequited love (at least, based on what she told me, i'm not sure i ever totally bought that), but definitely a story of recovering from a love that wasn't meant to be, and a reason i can definitely relate to what you're talking about. During the early days it definitely does feel like a pain that you'll never be able to move past. *sadhug
 
#10
sadly I've only ever experienced unrequited love so I feel your pain. It's awful. I dont think I'll ever experience requited feelings and it kills me. first time supposedly it was requited, but I found out in the end they were just using me and so their words were empty and they never truly loved me, I think they only said that to get stuff out of me. Second time was a close friend, he didnt like anyone else, so it wasnt exactly the same as your situation but it killed me nonetheless. Worse because he turned out to be a shitty person anyway, but I was already in love so that felt extra crap caring so deeply about someone who didnt even deserve it. I found it so hard to let go cause it was too painful admitting to myself that he would never care about me as much as I did him, I so desperately wanted the love back, it wouldve been so nice although I dodged a bullet with that one considering he turned out to be an asshole anyway! I eventually cut him off, the feelings lasted years, but finally disappeared. Potentially in a third unrequited love now, although this one seems more likely to be requited from behaviour and things said and others think the person feels the same for me but is just hiding it, complicated I guess as we frequently say we love each other and we kinda act like a couple but I think we're also both in denial that its love love rather than just non-romantic love, I dont know waht to believe, it would be lovely if it was third time lucky though. Anyway, not trying to make it about me so much, I do feel your pain. it destroyed me, I cried for months and months, depressed, it tore me to pieces. Sending love x *hug
 

Optimistic Goatman

The woolly enigmatic one
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#11
sadly I've only ever experienced unrequited love so I feel your pain. It's awful. I dont think I'll ever experience requited feelings and it kills me. first time supposedly it was requited, but I found out in the end they were just using me and so their words were empty and they never truly loved me, I think they only said that to get stuff out of me. Second time was a close friend, he didnt like anyone else, so it wasnt exactly the same as your situation but it killed me nonetheless. Worse because he turned out to be a shitty person anyway, but I was already in love so that felt extra crap caring so deeply about someone who didnt even deserve it. I found it so hard to let go cause it was too painful admitting to myself that he would never care about me as much as I did him, I so desperately wanted the love back, it wouldve been so nice although I dodged a bullet with that one considering he turned out to be an asshole anyway! I eventually cut him off, the feelings lasted years, but finally disappeared. Potentially in a third unrequited love now, although this one seems more likely to be requited from behaviour and things said and others think the person feels the same for me but is just hiding it, complicated I guess as we frequently say we love each other and we kinda act like a couple but I think we're also both in denial that its love love rather than just non-romantic love, I dont know waht to believe, it would be lovely if it was third time lucky though. Anyway, not trying to make it about me so much, I do feel your pain. it destroyed me, I cried for months and months, depressed, it tore me to pieces. Sending love x *hug
Being treated that way repeatedly can really take its toll. *sadhug
I'd like to hope it is third time lucky for you, you deserve that happiness. :)
 

Paisley

* * *
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#14
I had a huge crush on my childhood best friend for many years. However, she was not remotely gay (very strict religious upbringing) so it was never going to happen. It was painful to live with. Ended up cutting contact entirely. And, looking back on it, that was the correct decision in my case. She wasn't right for me, and I've now found requited love. Hold out for someone who loves you back and when you find them you'll be glad you did.
 
#15
Thank you. The anxiety gets so bad. Do you really struggle? X
My social anxiety can be bad at times. A lot of direct eye contact and formal situations can make it bad. Oddly enough, I don't have any problems with public speaking, and seem to handle that better than most people. Other social situations seem to be not so bad.

Discovering that someone that I really wanted to be with was with someone else was painful for me, it literally felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. I forget how long it took before it no longer hurt, but it did go away eventually.
 

EllieMay

Well-Known Member
#16
sadly I've only ever experienced unrequited love so I feel your pain. It's awful. I dont think I'll ever experience requited feelings and it kills me. first time supposedly it was requited, but I found out in the end they were just using me and so their words were empty and they never truly loved me, I think they only said that to get stuff out of me. Second time was a close friend, he didnt like anyone else, so it wasnt exactly the same as your situation but it killed me nonetheless. Worse because he turned out to be a shitty person anyway, but I was already in love so that felt extra crap caring so deeply about someone who didnt even deserve it. I found it so hard to let go cause it was too painful admitting to myself that he would never care about me as much as I did him, I so desperately wanted the love back, it wouldve been so nice although I dodged a bullet with that one considering he turned out to be an asshole anyway! I eventually cut him off, the feelings lasted years, but finally disappeared. Potentially in a third unrequited love now, although this one seems more likely to be requited from behaviour and things said and others think the person feels the same for me but is just hiding it, complicated I guess as we frequently say we love each other and we kinda act like a couple but I think we're also both in denial that its love love rather than just non-romantic love, I dont know waht to believe, it would be lovely if it was third time lucky though. Anyway, not trying to make it about me so much, I do feel your pain. it destroyed me, I cried for months and months, depressed, it tore me to pieces. Sending love x *hug
Thank you and sorry you have struggled. Been hell today, overwhelmed xx
 

EllieMay

Well-Known Member
#19
My social anxiety can be bad at times. A lot of direct eye contact and formal situations can make it bad. Oddly enough, I don't have any problems with public speaking, and seem to handle that better than most people. Other social situations seem to be not so bad.

Discovering that someone that I really wanted to be with was with someone else was painful for me, it literally felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. I forget how long it took before it no longer hurt, but it did go away eventually.
I feel for you it hurts so much, losses are so painful xx
 

EllieMay

Well-Known Member
#20
I had a huge crush on my childhood best friend for many years. However, she was not remotely gay (very strict religious upbringing) so it was never going to happen. It was painful to live with. Ended up cutting contact entirely. And, looking back on it, that was the correct decision in my case. She wasn't right for me, and I've now found requited love. Hold out for someone who loves you back and when you find them you'll be glad you did.
I know it sounds negative but I have given up on ever finding it due to my age and mental state, its so painful..I am 61, it is too late xx
 

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