Hi, First, I just wanted to make it clear that I'm not in crisis mode right now (Not yet anyways...but I'm fearing I could be soon...), so no need to reply if you don't want to. I had a very very close friend that stopped talking to me about a year ago. Before that happened he really was my only source of happiness and meaning. I relied on him for support and friendship, since all my other friends were (and still are, for the most part) nothing special. After awhile I stopped denying it, I realized I was bi and I was in fact in love with him. It's nothing I'm ashamed of...but I was 100% sure he was straight so it was obviously some source of depression having him as a friend. Even though I couldn't show my true feelings, the friendship we shared was still enough for me to be satisfied...I knew at the very least he shared the same feelings of close friendship that I had for him from the things his family heard him say about me. A year ago when he got a girlfriend everything changed. He stopped talking to most of his friends and after a fall out occurred between me and him we also stopped talking. I am pretty sure at this point this is because his girlfriend was influencing him to stop talking to me, thinking I was a bad influence on him. And he listened. I sunk into a deep depression, losing essentially my only real anchor to life, and attempted suicide. Obviously I didn't do a very good job, and a week after getting out of the hospital I e-mailed him asking him to call me about what had happened. He did, we had a brief conversation...and I never heard from him again beyond that. I still struggled but I eventually got over it and went on. Now I'm here, a year later, and despite a few bumps in the road lately I'm doing relatively ok. I have a minor alcohol problem but beyond that I'm mentally healthy and content compared to last year. I heard about a week ago from a friend that he broke up with his girlfriend, saying she was too clingy and kept him away from his friends too much. Basically said he was trying to repair all the damage she had caused to the friendships he had, including ours. I have conflicting emotions about this. My head tells me that having any social contact with him again that goes awry risks bringing back the negative emotions that made me attempt. My heart tells me that I still love this person more than anything and would like to re-connect...even though I fully know I'd be stuck again keeping my feelings to myself. I've always had a subtle desire that I'd be some day in the position that I could at least tell him how I feel without fear of humiliation/being an outcast. That would be a huge weight off my shoulders...but seeing how he's already slightly homophobic it's more of a fantasy than anything. I have trouble understanding the guy sometimes. He hates almost no one, all he has ever wanted to do is help people. He's definitely not your average person...He's not someone who would turn their back on people that are suicidal...He's someone who's not afraid to show affection to his friends either. I just don't think he understands how badly he hurt me by not contacting me after I attempted. I want to, at the very least, communicate that to him. The closest answer I ever got as to why that happened was through his girlfriend, who claimed that I used him as a crutch too much. And I'm really not about to take that as coming from him.