unrequited love/obsession.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Julia'shurtingme, Sep 9, 2007.

  1. Hi guys

    I thought I post this because this has always been my problem. since i was a small girl i would get attached to women and it hurt me cuz i knew it was wrong.

    Now I am in my mid 20s and have a beautiful girfriend and im getting my life together this shouldnt be happening but it is. Since last september I have had a crush on my boss at work. Its turning into an obssession now. I cant eat,sleep. Its killing me. Im fed up of feeling sick when i see her and when i dont. When she isnt at work i think im going to throw up my heart.

    I know its rediclous,she is 20 years older than me and MARRIED so NOT GAY! I doubt she even likes me. She knows how i feel cuz its that obvious and sometimes when we are alone it is weired. She trys to be nice and is so nice then other times she doesnt even speak to me.

    I just need to know that i am not alone. I cant tell my friends how i feel, they would never understand.
    PLEASE HELP! I already feel dead. :sad:
  2. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    Re: unrequinted love/obsession.

    Obsession's a problem for me- the guy I like is now one of the two reasons I'm alive, but he has a girlfriend.

    I know there are Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual support groups out there, so maybe you can go find one? Even online ones are availible and I'm certain there is a forum for that somewhere.

    Are you sure your friends wouldn't understand? Everyone has felt the sting of unrequited and impossible love sometime. If not, continue to talk to us. We're very understanding people.

    Try and write out your obsession. Try to find someone new. This will pass in time... every unrequited love eventually does.

    Hang in there, you'll be fine.
  3. starlight2006

    starlight2006 Well-Known Member

    Re: unrequinted love/obsession.

    You're not alone hun. I've fancied my housemate since moving to uni! She lived in my friends flat in halls and then last year we all moved into a house together and it got worse! She even talked to me once about not thinking she was 100% straight and that i was lucky in a way because I had experimented. That didnt help. I used to think about her constantly. My best mate who i live with knew i liked her and told me i wasnt allowed to fall in love with her, but i did. And at times it has been really hard.

    Lke Pices_music_girl says, writing is a good way of getting things out. Ive written alot about it over the past year and it has helped me alot. I've come to realise that she is a good friend and altho there will always be that something more on my end, i wouldnt wana ruin the good friendship we have.

    Try to think about wat u have got with ur gf now about ur future together. Try to spend more quality time together so that you can take ur mind of ur boss.

    The feelings will pass eventually

    Amy x
  4. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    Re: unrequinted love/obsession.

    I've had sort of the same kind of experience. Except that I'm a bi male. I'm not really physically or emotionally attracted to men. I just like to have sex with them. When it comes to actual physical and emotional attraction, it's all about women for me.

    So anyway. I'm really shy when it comes to expressing myself when I'm attracted to someone. In the past, whenever I would start to become attracted to someone, it would always start out small and just gradually build until I just thought about them all the time. Now of course, this was all in my mind. Most of them never had a clue I was attracted to them because I just couldn't bring myself to give them even the smallest sign. But you can be sure that I made sure I looked my best when I knew they would be at work. And yes. When they weren't there, I just longed for them to be around.

    But what you have to understand is that it's unhealthy. Especially in a case where you know the person can never return your attention. You're building up things in your mind that don't exist. It must be especially hard for you knowing she isn't gay. My advice would be to try and get yourself out of that situation. Perhaps you can work another shift? I wouldn't rule out even a job change if you just can't get it out of your mind. Just don't do anything rash. Never quit a job unless you have another one lined up. Employers don't like to hire the unemployed, as odd as that may be. They want to know you're desirable, I guess.

    I guess it goes without saying but this isn't worth driving yourself crazy over. I KNOW how tough it is. I've wanted to be with someone so bad and I knew they didn't like me the same way. But you're just beating yourself up for no reason. I know you can't choose who you're attracted to. But you can choose to extricate yourself from an intolerable situation.
  5. BelovedDreamer

    BelovedDreamer Well-Known Member

    Hey hun, I've been there and felt that. For me it's very often female figures in authority. The only way I've found to get around it is talking it out and thinking it out (and time of course). Trying to get it out of the realm of fantasy and force it into reality. Obsessive unrequited love is addicting. Sometimes I think it's a bit like self-harm, but on an emotional level. This forum might be able to help, but is there anyone with some involvement in the situation who you could talk to, someone who could give you a real dunk in cold water so to speak? Otherwise, keep talking here. Talk it out to yourself. What about her makes you want her? Are these qualities real? Is it really her you want, or your idea of her? Look at your own emotions. You say love. Ask yourself? Is it love or obsession? Why do you think you fall into this sort of obsessive cycle?

    Also, do you have a therapist? If you don't you should think about getting one. They're useful as sounding boards and reality checks if nothing else. Maybe they can even do more-- Obsessive love can also be a symptom of OCD or something else treatable for some people. Not everyone has to wash their hands a million times. Some of us obsess over other things.
  6. Thankyou all so much, I really will take in everything you say. I'll try my hardest. I feel somewhat better just knowing someone understands out there.

    Thanks :biggrin:
  7. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member

    Hi there

    Although this thread might be over in terms of feedback I just wanted to let you know you are def not alone out there.

    Lots of times in my life I had that very strange feeling for people whom I thought they wouldn't or couldn't aknowledge the same attraction I felt for them. I have questioned myself on these feeling each time without finding the answers other than suspecting a bisexual tendency.

    The last time I felt this over someone it was a work colleague: awful situation to be in. Awful because this person whom I strongly admired was not in the least interested in me despite being the first making a move on me, trying to befriend me.
    When this person left the company we were working for, my little world fell apart, I was crushed because I knew I would never see her again.

    However as I was just about to completely forget about her and move on with my life, there she appeared again asking me how I was doing and arranging to get together sometimes. A month after she left I resigned moving into a different job. We saw each other three times after out paths changed directions.

    After the last time I saw her (2 years ago) she emailed me saying that she had been proposed by her long time boyfriend, ready to get married the following year.
    I tried a few attempts to at least keep in touch for friendship sake but she was not in the slightest interested.

    I think I must have misread past msgs between the lines, gestures that I had interpreted as clear signs of interests when in reality where just kind, polite, sweet things as part of her personality....

    It is indeed very tough, especially when you cannot put a label on that very confused feeling you have for people of the very same sex as yours. But does it really need to be labeled?

    Do treasure your current relationship, at least you have that which is amazing, I have great respect for people who can find that, no matter the gender...

    I gotta tell you: I have never had once my love returned, ever. Either I was not interested in those who claimed love for me or others were not interested in me when I loved them.

    Mutual love is as rare as white truffle...
  8. Aerial

    Aerial Well-Known Member

    I surely know how this feels, to be obsessed. It's one of my biggest problems. This is an older thread but I related to a of what the OP originally mentioned, except that my focus is men.

    I have a problem with love transference too. If I really like someone, I noticed myself assuming that they feel the same way and misread everything from them as a sign of interest. It's really sickening but I'm working on this.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 30, 2009