This particular story goes back to when I was about eleven years old. I wasn't any different from your regular teenager, I had plenty of friends, plenty of outlets and plenty of reasons to look upon life with a postive mindset. I had been taking violin classes for approximately six years and the class I was in, was allowed the chance to practice with an actual orchestra for a few weeks. During one of those rehearsals I met the most beautiful woman I ever had the pleasure of sharing a smile with. Only back then, I had no way of knowing just how severely she would manage to chance my life over the course of several years. We became more and more acquainted as the days progressed. She was kind, and rather charitable with her compliments, I grew to enjoy her company as much as she enjoyed mine. We would always sit next to each other and it made the experience so much more memorable. After a few weeks, after we got to know each other some and after the actual performance... we both went out seperate ways again. We never shared any personal information other than our names, no way of contacting one another. So months went by and she had not exactly been on my mind all that much because at the time, while I did adore her, such things as romantic feelings, weren't a prime concern of mine. She crossed my mind now and again but that was about it. Two years later, we were once more allowed to practice with the same orchestra and once more did we encounter each other, she immediately recognized me and was clearly captivated. Unfortunately I had forgotten her name, however when I looked at her after all this time... I realised just how beautiful, amazing and special this person before me actually was. Her voice was so soft and calming, almost like a birds lullaby waking you in all bliss, during a sunlit morning. These images, I can still recall just how they managed to, eventhough she was atleast eight years older, set in motion never-ending feelings of love. From that moment on, everything changed for me. The rehearsals were as wonderful as they were previously and she was practicalky the same still and yet the experience was so different for me than it was last time we conversed. A few weeks went by again, and we had gotten to know each other even better. Unfortunatly that dreaded kiss goodbye on my cheek was inevitable, I buried myself in her shoulder and my only wish was to stay there forever. I had written her a letter that day, sharing with her my gratitude and the appreciation for her presence the past few days, hoping that maybe one day we would come to face each other once again. The goodbye wasn't necessarily a heart-crushing experience at the time, I was genuinely thankful of the time we managed to spend together and I promised myself I would let these memories be nothing more than something to smile about. A few months went by again, until we were all given the invention of facebook, I made my account and added my friends, as any regular person would. I did not even think of searching for her for some reason... but a few days later... There she was, she requested for us to be facebook contacts, and of course I accepted her request. A whole new world opened for me when it came to her... We learned so much more about each other. I found out she was a model and a painter even... If there was anything at the time that could keep me interested it was art so I fell in love with her even more... eventhough at the time I did not realise what it was that I actually felt. Instant messaging became a regular occurance for me whenever she was online. We would converse for hours at an end, from the most casuals things to more important subjects. After a while she started teasing me, she allowed me to imagine a future with her once I had grown into a respectable adult. She made promises.... Promises that made my heart go aflutter and so our friendship grew... into something more... atleast that was what I perceived as happening. After I turned sixteen we would go out more, together. For a drink, or we would share our artwork... I was invited to her home on more than one occasion, and since then she was the only thing on my mind. This went on for quite a while... As I grew older, I became more in touch with my feelings for her, and eventually I made them known... I wrote her another letter, explaining how I felt, I started buying her gifts, making drawings and paintings of her to keep her impressed. She seemed completely fine with it, and was increasingly flattered... She allowed herself to share similar feelings with me, however discreet. A few months after that.... Everything became different, she suddenly stopped contacting me, or answering me if I did... Weeks.... Months and not a word... I removed my facebook account in a desperate attempt to forget about her, because seeing her pictures only made the pain more severe... My heart was broken and everything just went downhill from there... After a while it became known, she found someone, someone she was willing to share her life with. Obviously that person was way more mature than I was. I kept sending her an email, every other month, asking for an explanation, asking for anything... a response... Just something... All I got, after a considerate amount of time was ''Please stop contacting me'' I couldn't emotionally grasp it... After all we went through, after the way she stole my heart... I had nothing left... Nothing mattered anymore but her. I couldn't make sense of the situation in anyway and the agony was so excruciating... As a result I started disliking everything about myself. My appearance for the most part.. I felt, and still feel like the elephant man. I grew increasingly envious of everyone around me, feeling like the least important person around and after a while it had gotten really distressful, I wouldn't leave the house, I wouldn't go to school and I couldn't envision being loved by anyone else, ever again... I still can't ... I wouldn't even leave my bed. Everyone around me grew worried and I was dying a little more day by day. A disturbing amount of self destruction plagued me, the memories of her haunting me like the sudden silence of forest bereaved of a wolfs howl. What came next... was my first suicide attempt. Where I unfortunately failed in my attempt.