Unrequited Love

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rostova, Mar 12, 2010.

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  1. rostova

    rostova Member

    Anybody else driven to the brink by this problem? I know it's inherent in the human condition, as old as the sea, happens to everyone, you can't always get want you want, blah blah blah.

    But human beings are not fungible, and one person can never really replace another. Loving and losing is like catching a glimpse of a paradise you didn't know existed and then being told, "Sorry--staff only." And knowing that your same old life, pre-glimpse, will never really seem complete again.

    Any advice for how to move on?
     
  2. bringer of light

    bringer of light Well-Known Member

    I hate these love questions.

    See everyone as an enemy, untill they prove their worth. In most cases people are scum and need to be destroyed.

    But your more likely to find a pearl in the ocean than in a shop. Sorry to be criptic. But I don't rate human love that high. My dog will die for me and I will die for him. No questions asked. Despite me being his leader and master.

    With humans fear takes over bravery most of the time. More often than not greed and self preservation become factors in a spiral of evil intent.

    Life is like a wheel in a way.
     
  3. neohume

    neohume Well-Known Member

    just forget about it, everyone must have a few cases of unrequited love.
    you'll just look back and laugh at it one day, most cases you'll be glad you didn't end up with her/him.
     
  4. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

    i really don't know what kind of advice to offer but run the other way. i spent 10 years waiting on someone and have had my heart and my soul drug through the mud by this guy. i hate to be so negative but seriously, if i could offer anyone advice about that i would just warn of making my stupid mistakes.
     
  5. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    That's put into words so beautifully. That's very similar to how I experienced it when I was "heartbroken".

    Well, you could try and find distractions. Don't get obsessed. Over time you'll do better but right now, you'll just have to give it time.

    I'll tell you that one time when I was "in love", I found out that when I was "in love" I had a unrealistic view of the person I was "in love" with. So when I realized that this person wasn't all I thought she was, I snapped out of it. Some character traits, or rather character flaws, are dealbreakers for me, you know?

    Do you have a realistic view of this person? They say "love is blind" and I think it's true.

    Exactly! That's exactly how I felt when I had gotten myself together again after I had been "heartbroken" a few times.

    :)
     
  6. Multiple Man

    Multiple Man Well-Known Member

    Im going through that severely right now. Been 3 years and im still crying and having nightmares over it. Part of it is because of my condition and overly obsessing over it. For some reason my mind wants to make it seem that that part of my life was heaven. But even if it wasnt it was significantly better than it is now. I dont think I am hung up on the person as much as I was hung up on just having someone to love and share your life with and be part of your world. When that is ripped away from your chest its traumatic especially if you dont have a great amount of self worth in yourself to stand on. Which I dont. The only advice I can give is to realize that that person was not made for you. Noone is. And that the only way to really take away that hurt is to move on and find someone else who will make the previous person a distant memory.
     
  7. rostova

    rostova Member

    It's been 3 years for me, too. I know with distance I could begin to forget, bit by bit. But as it happens, I see this person every single day (and the person is extremely friendly toward me--totally unaware of my feelings--and actually seeks me out to say hello, asks about my life, and gives innocent little compliments).

    For me, it's not a matter of "I want someone, anyone." It's "I stumbled upon this incredibly amazing person and crave constant exposure to him/her." After three years, I admire the person more every day.... I have never uncovered any flaws or found any reason to feel disillusioned.

    Sometimes I tell myself that it's worth the anguish because I've gained a LITTLE something from the experience simply by knowing such a terrific person exists. But let's not kid ourselves. I would rather NOT know of the existence of something that will never be mine.
     
  8. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    How do you know it isn't mutual if you've never told him/her?
     
  9. Theone

    Theone Well-Known Member

    There are many people that will say this but I know how you feel, I have been in love with someone for over a year and a half (for as long as I have know her) and she is now my best friend (we are very close), I once told her I liked her but she didn't feel the same way and she never knew how much I actually like her (I love her)... But I just had to move on.. It's bad advice as I am more in love with her than ever before but you have to find a way to live with it... She I believe, Thinks that I don't like her in that way anymore, she tells me who she intrested in, who she sleeping with, all that stuff, and I have to live with it as I want to be Close/best friends rather than nothing at all... I can't tell you there is a way to get over it but if you try really really hard you can cope....
     
  10. June

    June Well-Known Member

    I know exactly how you feel. I've been there and am going through that right now again! I hate being in love because it doesn't give me the pleasure I supposed to have. I stopped trusting completely. I know it is hard and I can't really give any advice, it takes time to get over someone and sometimes you never will. You just have to be strong.
     
  11. nimbus

    nimbus Well-Known Member

    i spent 10 years or more now, chasing after someone. 7 of those years we were living together. he knew how i felt at times but other times seemed to think things were fine. he finally kicked me out 3 years ago. most days i think about him. yes, i'd like to find a relationship. but i really want to be with him. not just some random other guy. i can't replace him as easily as he replaced me.
     
  12. Raphael1

    Raphael1 Well-Known Member

    So that's what you call it!....Yes this has happened to me more than once. At school mostly. I've never been suicidal over it but it has caused great grief. I've had many crushes. Only a few have had a crush on me and I didn't reciprocate but now that I think back on it I wish I had and should of. It's nice to know I'm not the only one that experienced this.
     
  13. Mr_Black

    Mr_Black Member

    This post really did resonate with me. I split up with my partner in may 09, she wanted me back and then split sept 09.

    I've been suicidal since may 09.

    Had many relationships but this one was different. She was my best friend & confidante. It's brought so many unresolved negative feelings to the surfice. I'm still as upset about it today as I was 9 mnths ago.

    I'm feeling your pain OP
     
  14. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    we just know.
     
  15. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member


    so eloquently put
     
  16. Amaranth

    Amaranth Member

    I fell in love with my gay best friend, so yeah I understand. That's one of the big reasons I feel so low is that I was the first person he told he was gay and this was after I had starting falling for him, and his courage and strength just made me fall harder. Plus, he's told me that without me he wouldn't be here right now, so I can't just avoid him or anything. It sucks, but I get through it by somehow believing that I love him enough to let him go. Sometimes it works.
     
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