unrightfully angry *MAJOR TRIGGER*

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Mya, Oct 25, 2010.

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  1. Mya

    Mya Well-Known Member

    why dose everyone try to stop people from ending this pain... i dont want anyone to ever feel this way, it makes me angry when people say it will get better beacuse i see it every were and it just seems like it dosnt get better people just brake and it dosnt matter anymore... you eather feel like this forever, become a zombie (for lack of a better term) or you end it, dont get me wrong i dont think anyone should kill themselfs... but part of me is having a really hard time seeing this get any better and wish that people would just let me die... let me set a date, let me say good bye... and let me die... i feel like im stuck... i eather stay in this emotional hell that rips my soul apart little bits at a time or i disapear and dont get the chance to say good bye to the people i love and let them know that the way i feel isnt there fault... i was just made broken... if they love me so much how come they want me to stick around when it hurts so bad... if they love me they should want this pain to stop as much as i do and suport me in it...

    but then part of me still wants to live....

    im so confuzed...
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I felt moved to think this reply through by your post.

    You find it hard to see a way out because the nature of depression is that you make irrational conclusions based on perceived negative experience. You cannot see out, becuase you're not letting others in. You must tell someone - even if you cause them pain initially, my father found me having attempted - it was crushing for him. And yet our bond is now stronger than it ever was, and it continues to grow.

    You left yourself two options - to end it or permanently zombie, I can tell you from personal experience that there are many other options, which all involve life. The reason that people - particularly on here will try to dissuade you, is that some of us have tried and come out the other side, there's no great epiphany, it's a long process and sometimes you take a backwards step - but that's the case with any long road.

    I class myself as a functioning person both medically and socially. I have horrendous periods, but these get shorter. You say that: 'if they love me they should want this pain to stop as much as I do and support me in it'. Those people love you, you say so yourself, and because they love you they value you as a person and because that love is mutual, you value them. That's the part of you that still wants to live and to love.

    I shall not lie, it is hard but you need to be strong and find strength from others, find something to strive for. Even if that thing is just to be able to get up in the morning at a reasonable time and see daylight.

    I hope you find this reply helpful, feel free to MSN me @ wheeliefreak@hotmail.co.uk

    Much Love
  3. Mya

    Mya Well-Known Member

    but im scared if i tell the people who love me just how bad it is for me right now... they will put me in a hospital... im scared and lonely... and i dont know who to tell my parents and me dont really talk and there in a different state i really dont have any friends but my boyfriend and his ex killed herself so im scared he will leave me if he knows how bad i am right now... and im so tired of hurting... it hurts so bad...

    (and thank you your reply means alot to me...)
  4. clouds

    clouds Well-Known Member

    would being in hospital really be so bad, surely it would give you some support and people to talk to no matter what time of day and night.. I fel much like you describe and am using any support I can find and am leaning heavily on my one real friend, but its scary can only say take it little bits at a time
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