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Unsent (poss trig)

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ThornThatNeverHeals, Jul 18, 2013.

  1. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    Dear K,
    I don't know if I'm being silly or not, but I feel like you are avoiding me. Are my memories hurting you? Did I say something? Do you no longer want to have contact with me?
    I feel like I keep making friends, but lose everyone shortly after. I think I have lost you. I am cutting again. I think it helps me feel less alone to consider the blade my friend. I have been thinking of making designs by burning with a wood burner onto my skin. It is like a tatoo... but one of pain.
    I am having nightmares again and am constantly waking up screaming. Dr I has been trying to draw out memories. I don't want to tell him. It was my fault anyway. I don't want him to tell mother or ask too many questions. I agreed to show him the poem, though. I'm really scared.
    I think of suicide every night. Last night was a perfect opportunity. I almost texted you for help but I didn't want to worry or scare you or for you to call the cops. I felt so alone. I wish we could just go to lunch together so I could tell you these things. For now, though, I will just write them in a letter you will never receive.

    ~ Thorn
  2. theblackrose

    theblackrose Techno Mage

    :-( I know how it feels. You start opening up to someone and they pull back. It seems that either they don't want to know anything after that point, or they make themselves inaccessable. Heck I am still working on being able to tell my Councilor and Psych everything. We all have to keep trying to tell people who are extreamly close to us. It sucks, you don't want to bother them but you need support. Eventually one day we will get it out and feel better, but until then we have to keep trying to find the right person who will listen and not pull away.