Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwshit...Alright. So, recently, for some inexplicable reason, I was doing great. My daily thoughts of suicide had gone away and I had only lingering suggestions of misery. Then, my old thoughts starting coming back and I tried to push them away. They weren't as intense as before, but I could almost physically feel all the negative feelings returning. Then, my girlfriend just broke up with me; which was especially, hilariously ironic in the most cruel way because the day before she broke up with me, I decided that I love her. When she broke up with me, I was extremely casual about it and I honestly felt fine, but then I started feeling sadness slowly throughout the day. I began to shift between thoughts of optimism and suicide. I know I didn't really love her...I think, but there's just something, I don't know how to feel or what I feel. I keep experiencing rapid, uncontrollable shifts in mood. I can physically feel myself being choked and dragged into the dark awful feelings I thought I finally had under control. And now I'm constantly contending with my old thoughts of suicide. I can't stand the uncertainty; not knowing what I feel. I feel sick half of the time. I just don't feel right.