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Unsuccessful and grateful

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by thing, May 13, 2009.

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  1. thing

    thing Member

    I attempted suicide on May 1st. I had been in a very depressed state for about 2 months. My husband was being a jerk and when I asked him to get anger management help or marriage counseling, he refused. We had a huge fight on April 30th that came out of nowhere and again, I asked him to get help and he refused. We didn't speak after that and I left to do errands on the morning of the 1st. I stalled for time because I didn't want to deal with the situation and I had a few drinks to calm down. I got a six pack, went home, made dinner, ate and put his in the fridge. He came into the bedroom in a rage over the "shi**y dinner" I left him and started to yell instead of apologizing. I freaked out and starting packing a suitcase to leave. He knew I was drunk so he tried to stop me and I started to hit him. He pulled me outside and took both sets of car keys. He let me in and left. I was really scared that he would leave me for good. I have no one else and I was hysterical.

    I decided that I was useless and no good to anyone, as my mother had drummed into my head everyday for 18 years. She verbally and physically abused me to the point that I had no coping skills so I guess that all the fighting triggered a flashback or something. Anyway, I took about 70 Xanax and wrote a short (2 lines) note. It turns out that my alcohol level was 2.8. I really wanted to succeed at the time but obviously my judgement was impaired.

    I must have lied down then because my husband found me on the floor. He thought that I had just passed out from drinking until he saw the note. He called 911 and the paramedics had to suction out my lungs (must have vomited) and stomach.

    I woke up 16 hours later in the ICU and at first, I thought that I was dreaming. I had tubes coming out of my arms, leg and nose. Some vomit had gotten into my lungs and I had an aspiration pneumonia as a result. I couldn't even move until the next day. I was coughing up phlegm and blood all day. They moved me to another room that evening and I had to have a sitter 24 hours a day.

    By Monday I still was in sorry shape and dazed. They moved me to a regular room with a sitter that evening and I was in the hospital until the 6th. I live in Florida so I was Baker Acted and brought to a psychiatriac hospital by a deputy in a squad car.

    Once I was there it took nearly 9 hours to process me. It was circumstantial, not a dis, but it was really tough since I still wasn't breathing well. My room was like a prison cell minus the bars and metal toilet. The bathrooms are locked so you have to get a tech to let you in. The beds are twin and you have a roommate and a pillow that is about 2" thick. They line you up for dinner, lock you out of your room all day, and medicate you every 4 hours. They are supposed to hold you for up to 72 hours but since I had OD'd, they had to detox me for 5 days so I didn't get out until 4pm on the 11th.

    No one tells you anything in the ward and you are basically a number. You have no control and no way out or even of knowing when you will get out. It is a very small step up from prison. Weekend therapy consisted of playing cards, Yatzee and coloring with crayons. I saw the shrink for 5 minutes the day after I checked in. It was the scariest experience of my life. They don't discriminate in the ward so I was with some pretty messed up people.

    I deeply regret what I did and I wish more than anything that I could turn the clock back to the morning of the 1st. I wouldn't have impaired my judgement with alcohol and I would not have taken the Xanax. The upside is that I am getting help now and my husband has agreed to do whatever it takes to get me/us well again.

    If you are considering suicide, please please reconsider. I was lucky that I didn't go into a coma, die or have any organs shut down. Even after all the pain and terror in the hospitals, I still am grateful that things didn't turn out worse. Please get therapy so that you don't have to go through what I did. Hang in there because it really can get a lot worse. Hugs to everyone.
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF.

    We are here to support you, any time. This happens alot with pills; the body expels them while you are unconcious. It seems like you have the support of your husband, but the therapy is important too.

    I'M sorry to here of your expreience regarding the facility they put you in.

    Please continue to share if you wish, any time you feel like it. Your insight will be very helpful to us all.

    Thank you for having the courage to post your story here.
  3. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hello & welcome to SF.

    Thank you for taking the time to share your story with us. I'm glad that you are now getting things back on track with your husband & getting the help that you need & deserve.

    I am from the UK so I am not too familiar with the Baker Acted term, however I have a friend who has spoke about it a few times & it does not sound like a nice experience to have to go through.

    Please if you are up to it, continue to post your experiences - good or bad, we will try our best to support you through them.

  4. thing

    thing Member

    The Baker Act is a law in Florida that requires that anyone who attempts suicide to go to a psychiatric facility after hospitalization or stabilization to be evaluated to determine if they are still a risk to themself or others. 41 other states have the same law but they all have their own name for it. An example is that NY state has the Kendra Act. Basically, this law helps to insure that the person gets the help they need in the form of therapy and medication.

    Despite the horrendous conditions of the facility, I am happy that it got me the help I needed upon discharge. They prescribed some meds and I start therapy tomorrow. It also scared any ideas of harming myself right out of my head. Although my attempt was serious enough to convince my husband that outside help was needed, it would have been a lot harder to find the appropriate therapists and meds on our own. As I said, I am grateful to be unsuccessful.
  5. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF, i am glad that you are starting to feel better now:hugtackles:
  6. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    I am so happy that your suicide attempt was unsecessful. You sound like an amazing woman and society can't be rid of the few. The ward is like prison, I have visited three times. The kids center is the same, but bars on windows and no locks on the bathroom door. It's a horrible place, and I never want to go there again. You may say that you will never end up back there, but you need to continue with treatment so that is a fact. I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here for you.

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