I attempted suicide on May 1st. I had been in a very depressed state for about 2 months. My husband was being a jerk and when I asked him to get anger management help or marriage counseling, he refused. We had a huge fight on April 30th that came out of nowhere and again, I asked him to get help and he refused. We didn't speak after that and I left to do errands on the morning of the 1st. I stalled for time because I didn't want to deal with the situation and I had a few drinks to calm down. I got a six pack, went home, made dinner, ate and put his in the fridge. He came into the bedroom in a rage over the "shi**y dinner" I left him and started to yell instead of apologizing. I freaked out and starting packing a suitcase to leave. He knew I was drunk so he tried to stop me and I started to hit him. He pulled me outside and took both sets of car keys. He let me in and left. I was really scared that he would leave me for good. I have no one else and I was hysterical. I decided that I was useless and no good to anyone, as my mother had drummed into my head everyday for 18 years. She verbally and physically abused me to the point that I had no coping skills so I guess that all the fighting triggered a flashback or something. Anyway, I took about 70 Xanax and wrote a short (2 lines) note. It turns out that my alcohol level was 2.8. I really wanted to succeed at the time but obviously my judgement was impaired. I must have lied down then because my husband found me on the floor. He thought that I had just passed out from drinking until he saw the note. He called 911 and the paramedics had to suction out my lungs (must have vomited) and stomach. I woke up 16 hours later in the ICU and at first, I thought that I was dreaming. I had tubes coming out of my arms, leg and nose. Some vomit had gotten into my lungs and I had an aspiration pneumonia as a result. I couldn't even move until the next day. I was coughing up phlegm and blood all day. They moved me to another room that evening and I had to have a sitter 24 hours a day. By Monday I still was in sorry shape and dazed. They moved me to a regular room with a sitter that evening and I was in the hospital until the 6th. I live in Florida so I was Baker Acted and brought to a psychiatriac hospital by a deputy in a squad car. Once I was there it took nearly 9 hours to process me. It was circumstantial, not a dis, but it was really tough since I still wasn't breathing well. My room was like a prison cell minus the bars and metal toilet. The bathrooms are locked so you have to get a tech to let you in. The beds are twin and you have a roommate and a pillow that is about 2" thick. They line you up for dinner, lock you out of your room all day, and medicate you every 4 hours. They are supposed to hold you for up to 72 hours but since I had OD'd, they had to detox me for 5 days so I didn't get out until 4pm on the 11th. No one tells you anything in the ward and you are basically a number. You have no control and no way out or even of knowing when you will get out. It is a very small step up from prison. Weekend therapy consisted of playing cards, Yatzee and coloring with crayons. I saw the shrink for 5 minutes the day after I checked in. It was the scariest experience of my life. They don't discriminate in the ward so I was with some pretty messed up people. I deeply regret what I did and I wish more than anything that I could turn the clock back to the morning of the 1st. I wouldn't have impaired my judgement with alcohol and I would not have taken the Xanax. The upside is that I am getting help now and my husband has agreed to do whatever it takes to get me/us well again. If you are considering suicide, please please reconsider. I was lucky that I didn't go into a coma, die or have any organs shut down. Even after all the pain and terror in the hospitals, I still am grateful that things didn't turn out worse. Please get therapy so that you don't have to go through what I did. Hang in there because it really can get a lot worse. Hugs to everyone.