Unsuccessfull attempt

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The last week I tried the best and most efficient method according to <edit method total eclipse>

I am an university student living in a dorm with my roommates, so instead of have them to find me after the suicide I booked a hotel room for one night to end my life there.

I wrote a suicide note, in addition to a notification to the staff, also assembled the necessary equipment.
I was absolutely sure that I'm not going to survive that attempt. I lost my consciousness almost instantly, but apperently I had convulsions and during that I broke a nearby desk lamp and somehow the <edit moderator total eclipse mthod> I am not actually remembering any of that, I lost and regained my consciousness many times, breathed heavely and vomited twice.
Only after a half an hour I was able to move slowly, I crawled to the windows, let more fresh air in and slept for a while. Then I checked out of the hotel and went back to the dorm.

The next day I got my <edit moderatotr total eclipse>and repeated my attempt, only this time in a forest and with a reinforced, more< edit moderator total eclipse> but I almost immediately panicked I tried several times, but couldn't loss my consciousness instantly, and panicked all over again, maybe because the trauma from the unsuccessfull attempt.
I sat for almost an hour on the ground and cried loudly, then packed up all the equipment and again, went back to the dorm.

Now I sleeping for almost two days straight (more like I laying in the bed, as I having nightmares, can't sleep and have rest properly), and because before the attempts I sold or threw away all my stuff, including my notebook, also most of my clothes, actually everything it seems I have to go shopping at least some basic items.

But it's likely that I only going to purchase a <edit moderator total eclipse method> that method seems more efficient (and I really don't want to live anymore, now every minute of my life is simple unbearable, the mental pain is constant, only unconciousness help, I only laying in my bed pretending in front of my roommates to have flue, but I'm so exhausted that I'm starting to hallucinate, seeing things in the corner of my eyes etc.).

I don't really want or have the willpower to write about why I want to end my life, but maybe I will later, altough it's not easy now to do that without my own computer (and I also trew my smartphone into a river).

Sorry about my english grammar, I can read perfectly, but not practised enough yet to write properly.
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total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
I am sorry you are suffering so greatly i removed you methods okay too triggering for others here Please call crisis line okay get some help for you go to hospital tell them how suicidal you are and get help hugs


Well-Known Member
Hi. i don't know what to say... i was really pleased when i read the attempt has failed in that way, it seems almost a miracle it went that way. Looking forward to read about the source of it...
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