I dont know what i feel. I have talked to my doc a lot, but i feel its useless. and i have no one to talk to anymore. Since my chat buddy passed away I haven't really cared about healing anymore. There is this feeling inside of me that doesnt want to care anymore and it's becoming stronger everyday. I feel like im breaking apart and one day, no 'if', I will snap and be over and gone for good. I was so shaken up and i dont know what to feel cause all i do is think about how im going to kill myself, xxxxxx or a replica of my last attempt where there will be no chance of failure this time. I was completely shaken up today as i witness a man just breakdown into tears and completely breakdown to nothing. Everything he said was true that life brings us to this point and no one cares what happens, or at least they only appear to fucking care. A STATISTIC he called himself. Maybe that is all we are. Then he preceded to the bridge we were standing on and attempted to jump. My heart jumped for the first time in my life. Though he was caught just in time by a bystander. This almost killed me that afternoon, literally, as my arms became a mess. I just cant do this bullshit anymore and I'm not just saying that
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