Unsure about what to do

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Bunny13, Sep 20, 2013.

  1. Bunny13

    Bunny13 New Member

    My fiancé is in sales and because of this he is impossible to talk to when it comes to fights. It's like he goes into sales mode and is trying to convince me that not only my thoughts are wrong but so are my feelings. He'll ask me to explain my side and before I can even get a sentence out he SCREAMS at me. He gets so upset if the conversation isn't going his way or he's not in control. I feel like I'm completely alone bc I have no one I can turn to. He tells me I'm mean almost everyday. I really don't think I'm a mean or hateful person. I think he brings that side out in me bc it's constantly said. We got in a fight tonight and he told me he loved me but was screaming at me 5 seconds later when I was explaining my feelings. How do you talk to someone who works in sales and is use to controlling a conversation? He really isn't a bad guy I just need to vent and get advice. I want to be able to have a conversation with him where I can express my thoughts and feelings. I can't keep going on like this bc it's beating me down. I feel so small and worthless at times bc of the depression this is causing.
  2. ToughAct

    ToughAct Member

    Reading this I don't think your a mean person just someone who feel like there feelings arnt being understood and there side is left unheard I'm unsure on how to talk to a person in sales but I know its hard to communicate with in an argument because both sides are fighting to be heard all I can say is try to be calm I know that's hard to do when your upset and your other half is being stubborn but I think it be easier to talk if your calm I hope this helps
  3. oval

    oval Well-Known Member

    i'd like to welcome you to the forums first of all :)
    have you thought about writing him a long letter in which you can express all of your feelings without being interrupted? that way you can collect your thoughts and not get worked up from him yelling at you. i couldnt know any more where youre coming from. you get yelled at and lose your train of thought and feel belittled and not taken seriously and get more and more worked up bc of that, that you express more your anger in that very moment than to get a chance to really discuss the actual topic.
    its just not right for him to control conversations like that. he has to take you seriously and, yes i would even go as far as saying respect you as an equal human being with opinions. what he is doing doesnt sound very mature to me.

    another thing i noticed is that you said he asks you to explain your side of things and then interrupts you and yells at you. that is something people do at collection agencies to intimidate people and to fuck with their mind, getting them to make a payment out of fear. this kind of manipulation should really not exist in any relationship.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 20, 2013
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF :)

    For me reading this - this relationship isn't a good one to stay in. You deserve better than to be treated in the way you are by your fiance - and as much as you may love him to pieces, him having a hissy fit because he can't get his own way is none other than childish petulance. Possibly borne from his younger experiences (learned behaviour can play a massively significant role in how people turn out), but that doesn't give him the right to control everything you do.

    He might not be a bad guy, but love is blind and can distort perceptions - maybe he's manipulated you to the point you defend him even when you know he's wrong. You are entitled to your thoughts and opinions, and he should be willing to - as oval suggested - respect you as an equal human being. If he cannot allow you to be thus - you are actually better off alone than in an unhealthy relationship.

    That's a similar background to where my current girlfriend got out of - the manipulatively selfish control freak attitude of her ex - and she's ended up happier with me (so far - touch wood) - simply because of building the trust, respect, integrity, and maintaining a patient, understanding, and compassionate discussions, when either of us have bad days - so I have experience of helping someone through getting out of a similar style of relationship.

    If he truly loved you - he would allow you to be yourself - listen - and try understanding instead of belittling you. It doesn't sound to me that he does unless you do everything that he says (becoming his "puppet") - but that loses your ability to be yourself - he doesn't have that right to dictate how you are supposed to live.