Unsure of myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Tealc, Nov 11, 2010.

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  1. Tealc

    Tealc Banned Member

    more and more i have been feeling totally lost, unsure of who i am or what i may do, thoughts of suicide plague me and that really scares me.
    my brain and heart seem to be in constant battle over what to do, to carry on with my miserable life or continue to prolong it.

    i have nothing here, no friends to pop round and lift my spirits, my financial situation is beyond a joke, so much that i am waiting for payday to actually get my meds, i don't sleep that well, eat like a mouse as i hardly have any food in the house, banned from seeing my kids through no fault of my own.

    i go to work and then come home to an empty house, i sit and do nothing and the weekends are worse, 2 whole days of seeing or speaking to noone.

    i really am a pale shadow of who i am or was, i have no faith in myself and i know i will do something stupid sometime.
     
  2. DeepEmz

    DeepEmz Well-Known Member

    Im sorry you feel this way.
    Are you seeking help at the moment?
     
  3. Tealc

    Tealc Banned Member

    no, i have tried councelling in the past but it didnt help, i had a good friend who i depended on but he drifted away.
    just waiting for my AD's and sleeping pills
     
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    are you in the states?

    You may be eligible for medicaid. Hospital financial office may be able to help you look into this.

    You may also be eligible for food stamps. Don't have to unemployed to get this, I think, just meet income guidelines. I think that there is also something called "section 8" housing benefit.

    Can you renegotiate seeing your kids with your ex, or is it a court thing?

    You might be able to get free legal aid to renegotiate the visitation agreement, if it's a court thing.

    If you have a whole house to yourself, maybe you could get housemates. You could get some extra income that way, and maybe also have some company.

    Be careful though, if you go this way. Maybe only have someone in on a tenant at will basis, meaning they can leave whenever they want, and you can kick them out "for any reason or for no reason".

    Having good housemates can be great, but bad ones can be nightmare hell.

    You could also try getting a second job for the weekends, something not too stressful that you might like, social, and would bring in a little extra money.

    Feel like dressing up like Santa? I don't know, maybe that would be fun. I'm sure there would be plenty of options (though it can be tough getting anything in the current job market). This is just what I thought of off the top of my head.

    Can you try getting back in touch with your friend? Or look up other people that you've lost touch with? Relationships can take work to keep them going.

    this is a book that I often recommend

    http://www.bluepoppy.com/cfwebstore/index.cfm?fuseaction=product.display&product_ID=371&ParentCat=33
    "Curing Depression with Traditional Chinese Medicine"

    I think that things can get better for you, just need to find the right things to do.

    There could also be something affecting your health that you don't know about. Have you had D and B12 levels checked?

    Hope that you feel better soon!
     
  5. Tealc

    Tealc Banned Member

    thanks for the replies, but i believe its too late for me now. i may not know when but i am sure now that i have to go, so tired of feeling worthless and being treated like i am invisible.

    its just too much to take and i won't do it no more.
     
  6. dartofabaris

    dartofabaris Well-Known Member

    Is there anything which motivates you, even if for the briefest of moments, to do something which grants you meaning and dispels your loneliness? Many of us know that empty feeling when we become mere shadows of our former selves and the happier times seem to have been another old life. You are not invisible, you just cannot see yourself atm.

    PM me if you ever need a chat. :hug:
     
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