Unsure, things change and life aint so great yet

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Clouded_mind88, Oct 2, 2009.

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  1. Clouded_mind88

    Clouded_mind88 Account Closed

    Hi

    Just want to tell someone about the things that are bothering me at the moment :mellow:.

    Well for until about a year ago i thought that both me and my brother was abused as children by our father, as our mother told us and thats why he wasen't around during our childhood. For reasons i dident understand my brother started meeting him through some institute and we ended up getting to know him and he became the most support person in my life(as no one else seams to care) but at the same time i was scared, confused and just tried not thinking about what my mother had told me as i didten remember anything myself. This was eating me up from the inside and I was having suicide thought for quite some time due to this i think.

    Well one year ago I found out that he was wrongly accused, had gotten restitution(dunno if its the right English word) and all. when i found out i just went empty, it felt like all my misery was fake, my feelings was based on a lie. My mother hadn't cared to tell me this and i guess my brother knew to, well i lived one year now on this emptiness and its filling up with new confuses. Im not sure what to do, i never been a open person and my mother aint a good listener. Told her once that i was on the edge of suicide and she patted my shoulder and told me not to think like that. I talk to my father abit and he explained his side of the story but i dident dare to tell him mine.

    Now im starting to feel low again...
    Feels better to just write it down so im quite glad this forum is here. thanks.
     
  2. Tam

    Tam Well-Known Member

    Wow Clouded Mind, that is really ground shifting stuff! It's a really big deal - to have lived with a lie so fundamental that your whole sense of being is wrapped around it. Please don't underestimate the effect that must have on you.

    Can I suggest that you go and see someone professional about it (counsellor or therapist) because there are lots of issues involved here that you might find it difficult to sort through by yourself.

    And in the meantime, keep posting here about it all, about how you are feeling. You'll get a lot of suppport.
     
  3. ashes_away

    ashes_away Well-Known Member




    I second the wish for you to keep posting here.You matter.
     
  4. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Hey Clouded_mind! First and foremost, welcome to SF. Hope you find exactly what you need here, we'll be here always for everything you need.

    After reading your post, I have a question. Have you talked to your mother about your father being innocent of the charges? You seem to be in a very confused and uncertain state so it would be good to you to actually learn why she lied to you about your father. I believe that would give you a clearer picture of the situation.

    I have experience in finding out that I was living a lie, maybe not such a long-standing one, but certainly a lie. I know you're feeling like questioning everything in your life right now, but remember something: not everything in your life is a lie. You are not a lie, your feelings are no lies, your personality is no lie, your goals are no lies, your experiences, etc. This are the things that are true and those are the ones that you need to hold on to and think as little as you can about this situation, at least until you've fully understood it.

    Lead on your life as naturally as you can. As Tam recommended, go see a therapist to help you better understand your feelings about this issue. I'm sure you can pull through this issue.

    Keep posting here in SF about anything. We'll be here for ya.

    PS: If I may ask, where are you from?
     
  5. Clouded_mind88

    Clouded_mind88 Account Closed

    I have been thinking about seeing a therapist but its all been thoughts and i really cant see my self doing that, im not sure how to approach the situasion and I don't even know what to do when i see the therapist. I have seen movies and so but reality is most of the time different.
    I never been happy about asking anyone for help neither.

    Ordep:
    I have talked to my father, but not about my mental state.
    I'm not fond of talking to my mother about anything as she easily shuts out what she don't want to hear, don't know if i can call her naive, if i where to "confront" i don't want to do it alone.
    I'm from Norway btw.

    Im glad i got some response and advises but at this point i just want to share my emotions, and not seek any professional help sorry
     
  6. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    It's so hot here in Portugal I'd rather be there with you in Norway lol!

    Anyway, I understand you don't wanna see a doctor right away. I'm just like you on that, there's something about it that doesn't feel right. But if you ever feel like giving it a try, know that no harm can come from it.

    In the meantime, we'll be always here for you whenever you wanna share or vent. You can also PM me anytime.

    I think confronting your mother about this is crucial at some point, it's with her that lies the genesis of the question. She has the answers you seek. I understand it might be hard, expecially if she shuts herself as you say she does, but maybe you could bring your brother along? It is your right to know the truth and it's important for your mental well being.

    Keep posting, we'll always be here for you.
     
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